Can this marriage be saved?
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Can this marriage be saved?
| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:32pm |
I found out a week ago Saturday that my husband was cheating on me. My first reaction was to kick him out and he left. We have been together for the past 16 years - 6 married. I have an 18 year old daughter, he has a 17 year old son that both live with us. A couple of weeks before I found out, I had noticed something wasn't right with him. When I asked, he said there was a lot of stuff that has been bothering him. He was just very confused with a lot, some of the things that are issues for him were that I fight with his son a lot (I admit to this and have since spoken with him and tried to have a better relationship with him), another issue is that he has a daughter that he doesn't have a relationship with (she was born just after we met - his ex-girlfriend found out she was pregnant and they had already broken up), there was an issue with me on this because I was afraid to tell my parents about his "new baby" and since she was born I have tried to hide her from my family - I totally admit that I was wrong about this and have told my family about his daughter. However, in my own defense I never told him not to see her or have a relationship with her. One other issue he told me is bothering him is that he never met his biological father. This issue - I have to say has nothing to do with me - I have always told him I would support him 100% in finding and meeting his father. These are the only issues that he has told me about. But I assume the last issue that was bothering him was that he was cheating on me. Anyway, in a nutshell this is where we are now. We have loved each other and always been happy - at least I thought so. Of course we've had arguments, but nothing that would ever make me see this coming. I found out the other woman is an ex-girlfriend from when he was 18 or 19. He admits that he fell in love with her. He also says that he still loves me. I have written him a letter letting him know that if he is willing to try and make this marriage work, then I will also with marriage counselling. He said that he needs time to clear his head and figure out what he wants to do. Since he left I only saw hime once because I felt that I had to confront him about everything. I told him that I would be willing to make this work, but he had to want our marriage to work. He still couldn't give me an answer. We are supposed to meet tonight after work to talk about things. I just have such a feeling of dread. I am so afraid that he will leave me and I feel so stupid because he is the one that is cheating, not me. What is wrong with me? I know I am giving him the upper hand, but I also feel that there are issues that he brought up that I need to work on. But he cannot blame this affair on those issues. I just don't know what to say to make our marriage work again. We were always happy until now. Why can't I just walk away and know that I have given him more than one chance to come back and work it out? Is there anything that I can say to him to make him think about what a big mistake he is making? Or should I just give up? Please help me to sort this out. I can't eat, sleep, focus on anything but him. I can't stop crying or feeling the worst pain I've ever felt. Can this marriage be saved?

Hi shatteredwife and welcome to the board,
It can be saved if he's willing to work on the marriage.
Shatteredwife,
The marriage can be saved but both of you have to be willing to work on the issues that are hurting the relationship. If he does want to work things out, I think you should tell him that marriage counseling is a must.
You have been together for 16 years. It is natural that you would be upset and this and want to fight to save your relationship. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to make things work.
How did last night go?
glitter-graphics.com
Hello shattered, how are you today after yesterday's meeting nwith him.
I know the pain you are going through.
Please do not blame yourself for his cheating -- he chose to do this, and his choice was selfish, mean and cruel.
Do you want to save this marriage?