can my relationship be saved?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
can my relationship be saved?
4
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:26pm
hi i have a big problem with my two year old little boys father. We have been together for three years, my little boy will be two in jan. the problem began when the father decided he was going to begin a career that took him away from home almost every night, we began to argue and fight alot more and when he was at home it was stressful for all of us. One night he decided to move out about three months ago, he took all our money since he was the one who worked and he took our only means of transportation we had two and he took both vehicles, so i could not get a job. he is trying to teach me a lesson he said. well at first he didnt want to work anything out and didnt even want to talk to me, but now he calls and begs me to move to another town with him and he has come to see us but only to get me to move there with him. when he comes here to my house he will stay here for a day or two but then he always has to leave again he leaves me no money and no way to get around still yet he says he loves me and he wants us to be together there of coure. i feel lost, alone and very confused. I want the best for our son i really do but i am scared to trust this man again, even as i try to forgive him and want to make things better i just feel so depressed and i dont know what to do. I find that i get angry with my little baby and i think i take out my frustrations out on him, i know this is wrong and i have to stop i dont knopw what to do and i just need help. if any one can offer me any suggestions, i dont have alot of family or friends in this area to give me support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 5:01pm
mselle66..

Pianoguy suggests you contact the social service and free legal assistance groups in your town. The man who 'fathered your son' is obviously "a control freak"---and despite his pleas to get you to join him, I'd stay put if I were you. He's not stable...nor does he give a damn about your welfare or his child's. Why put yourself in a graver situation than you're currently in?

If you HONESTLY want help to get yourself out of the mess you're in...it's OUT THERE! But you need to make the effort.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 5:52pm
As Saint Paul said, "...if any provide not for his own, specially for those of his own house, he is worse than an infidel."

Your child has a right to eat. That his father would abandon him and cut off support should tell you everything you need to know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 1:27am
mselle,

I have to say I agree with Pianoguy and ivdarian - please get help from your family to get an attorney and get child support in place. If one of the cars is in your name only, report it stolen. Please help yourself. There are resources avaiable. DO NOT MOVE to be with this man as he is controlling and will only further isolate you from any possible help and support if you move.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 9:08am
i honestly think you need to think about your little guy you have at home do you really want to be in this situation for the rest of your life...i really think you can find someone better who will treat you and your little boy like a family and not take things away from the both of you "as to teach you a lesson"....if he was a true from the heart dad he would have not taken all your money and the transportation from you to just teach you a lesson...i think its selfish and he is not thinking about his little boy at all or he wouldnt have taken away from him...if he loves you thats a bad way of showing it....and im afraid it will not get better...especially if you move to a unfamiliar place you have never been too and dont know anyone there and have no family to go to when you need too...if you have a few friends where you are at now or a few family memebers at least you can still feel comfortable where you are at now and not be in a strange place or town ....but most of all your little boy shouldnt pay the price for his father treating you both badly...if its this bad now what will it be like in another town??i really dont think it will get better somewhere else...your little boy deserves better...his father if you want to call him that...sounds like a jerk for not caring enough about his child to leave and take everything away from both of you especially his son...thats the worst part about it ...he isnt thinking about anyone but himself and i am afraid thats all its ever going to be...as for him coming and visiting i would tell him to get a room at the motel 6 and not let him stay there with you especially if he has no intentions of leaving any money for you and his son to get by with..he can not be trusted at all!!...hes has alot of proving to do not just to you but to his son also!!!! i really think you need to to tell him goodbye unless he can change..if he really loved you like he says he does then why did he do this to you and his son and left you with nothing and taken everything for him self?? the "to teach you a lesson" quote is a bad deal-situation and you need to tell him to go on and just get on with your life and file for child support they will help you if he is working they will get him ...as long as he works they will get support from his check before he gets his pay...its a long process but it might be worth trying...at least he will have no choice about it...