Can this possibly work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Can this possibly work?
3
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 8:42pm
was seeing a really great guy, and we were getting serious fast. (In a month, we went from zero to relationship.) But, frankly, because I'm not used to nice guys, I've made the situation pretty messy. I know I managed to hurt him pretty badly by being scared about the whole thing, and now, that I finally realize how stupid I was being, he's pretty well terrified.

He still wants to see me, which is the good news, but he's not sure he ever (sometimes he says "ever," sometimes "not anytime soon") sees us in a relationship. And our relationship has definitely changed. He used to be very, very affectionate, and he's much more tenative now, although he's still not "cold" exactly. He's still very thoughtful of me, but he holds back a lot. We're not being intimate any longer, and he doesn't ask me to stay the night (which he used to do constantly).

It hasn't been very long since the whole thing got messy, so I don't know whether to try and make this work or get out now. It's difficult because I don't know if he's ever going to trust me again, but I know he really likes me. The really strange thing is, I'm a very defensive, prideful person, and I would usually tell him to just "go to hell," even if I didn't think any of this was his fault (which, though he's not perfect, of course, it really isn't his fault). So, I know I must really care about this guy to want to try to make things work - and I don't even know what to begin doing about the situation.

Some of my friends told me to cut my losses, but most of them seem to think he's crazy about me and he'll come around.

So, basically, now I'm looking for a completely outside perspective. I just want to know if y'all think it's fixable, or if I should just cut my losses now. What do you think?

-Gabrielle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 12:59am
what do you mean "messy?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 11:04am

Without knowing what exactely happened and knowing the severity of everythin, I cant tell you what i think.I can tell you this...Its not your freinds that are with this guy and its not them who care so obviously for this person- listen to you, not them.


If you care for this guy, and want to make things work, then why havent you told him this already?Because of pride?:(....so, basically, your going to let your pride let this guy walk out of your life?Think about it.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:15pm
With very little info about how you hurt him, and what you mean by 'messy', it is hard to give advice.

I suggest you talk to him. Explain him what motivated your reaction, and explain what you are doing to change things. tell him that you guys should start over, take things slowly this time, and see where it goes. If he things it is possible to make things work again, give yourselves some time. If it goes nowhere, then bail out and move on. But it is probably worthwile to give it a shot. Nice guys exist, but they are not exactly easy to find, so you may want to hold on to someone you care about, and who cares about you. Ask him to be patient, *and* be patient yourself. Don't expect him to come around just becauyse you say you are sorry. And if he says he does not think he can ever trust you again, say goodbye (there is no point in staying with someone who cannot believe he can trust you), cut your losses, and make sure you learned your lesson. While one needs to make up when she screws up, there is no point in groveling to no end.

I wish you luck.