Can sexual attraction be renewed? s
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| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:19pm |
Anyway, at the time we met I had just lost 121 lbs in the last year or so. Changed my eating habits to healthier choices and eating at the right times. Also started being much more active. When we met, we really liked each other alot. After 3 dates (no sex as yet) he asked me to be exclusive.
All along, he knew I had a strong determination to get the rest of my weight off (100 lbs or so). I believed it within myself, and he believed me and saw what I was doing.
I struggled for over a year and lost another 24 lbs, but not as much as I should have. I then hit a plateau and have been there for 6 months, I adjusted my eating, my workouts...nothing changed it. I became so frustrated, I quit working out as much. My diet is still good.
He's become frustrated with it. We have had a sex a couple of times in the last 6 months, and now he doesn't even kiss me passionately because it's associated with sex for him. He tells me he loves me, but he's not attracted to me because I quit working out and lost my motivation.
It was a wake-up call to me. Please understand....I want to lose the weight for ME! I would like to lose it for the betterment of our relationship as well, but that's secondary.
I am working towards weight loss surgery in July and have started to hit the gym again. I've lost 6.5 lbs in 2 weeks. He's concerned his attraction to me won't come back. Do you think it will if he sees what I'm doing?
He knows it was wrong to not accept me as I am, and he's working on that. He's trying to decide if he can do that because the rest is so good between us.
What do you think?

let's make sure i got this:
you're a large lady working on bringing down your weight. your man encourages you to bring down the weight, yet has lost his attraction for you. your question is, will he be attracted to you again after you lose the weight?
i think not.
you see, men are just as fickle as women. initially, he was attracted to you even though you were big. so, you lost a little weight and he encourages that. but now, he's not attracted to you.
it sounds like you are very obsessed with this whole weight issue. granted, your health is important, but if all you think about is how to lose more weight, then you become very uninteresting. think about it. it is just as bad as those silly women who are thin and are always concerned about those extra five or ten pounds. that's fine for them. but for those who must listen to it, it can get annoying. these people seem boring and that is very unattractive.
since you guys met on the net and then persued a relationship, his initial attraction to you must have been your brain. via emails and messages you came across as a very interesting and therefore attractive person. yet, after spending some time with you, you probably did not seemed concerned about much else other than losing weight.
you say that you want to lost the weight for yourself. that is a good thing. yet, be aware that you may be giving your boyfriend the impression that you are losing the weight for him. this can be offsetting.
i'm assuming a lot here, i know, but hear me out.
if you allow anyone to think that you are willing to change yourself for the sake of pleasing another, then you are no better than someone without a personality (aka brainless bimbo).
you obviously care a lot about how you look, but keep in mind that attitude and how you carry yourself is what really draws people toward you.
i work at very prestigious institution and some of the most beautiful women i know are big. yet, they are lovely and adorn themselves in attire that compliments their large figures. they are intelligent women with confidence to spare. and when they talk, people listen.
i know it sounds cliche, but love yourself and never forget who you are and what makes you special. and so what if you are large - it is *your* body and no one else's. hold your head high, flash that smile and strut your awesome stuff!
Perhaps I did not explain enough. As far as my being obsessed with my weight...I'm not. I've been a big girl all my life, and I AM one of those women you spoke go glowingly about. One thing several people have told me...I'm not like many overweight women they've known, I have never let myself go in other areas...dress, hair, makeup, nails...and I do physically carry myself very well, I don't walk ashamed or "lumber". Everything is kept up well and current in style. I'm also very outgoing with a bubbly personality, full of wit, humor and flirtation. I've always thought of myself as attractive, and have done modeling as a large size model, but no print yet.
He was hesitant to date me because of my weight, but because of the rest of my looks and my personality and character, he saw I was special.
As far as changing for anyone but myself...I won't. I was in the process of losing all this weight well before we met...and it was entirely for me. After a 14 year marriage that I decided to end, I started doing for ME....getting the weight off was part of that . I'd spent so many years doing for others and ignoring my health and personal happiness in a lot of ways. It's still a struggle to not always be the giver.
The weight loss surgery is for me....he is actually against it. He believes I can lose the remaining 100 on my own. Yes, I probably could but statistically the success rate of keeping it off is 2-3%. With WLS, it's 90%. And it does come off more quickly. I'm tired of being limited in what I can do, tired of being sore and want to improve myself.
You're right that there's the possibility that he may not find me attractive after I lose it. But I would think it would be for other reasons.
Thank you again for taking the time to give me your advice, I truly appreciate it!