Can someone HELP me understand??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Can someone HELP me understand??
4
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 3:48pm
My husband likes his porn, he has enough of it on the computer. I've asked him to share it with me but he never does, I've tried to talk to him about it but he is never willing. I just want to understand this, It makes me feel insecure about our relationship and I don't like that. Part of me understands that this has nothing to do with me or our relationship. I am very open and not the least bit prude. We used to share this kind of thing but now it's just not like that anymore. Can someone explain this to me in non male terms because I sure as heck don't get it.


aries_fire16



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:00pm
Some men just like to view pornography because it is fun and they think it is a manly thing to do. Maybe if you explained to him that you enjoy it as well and it could benefit your relationship if you shared it together, then he might be a little bit more willing to share it with you. You need to talk to him and discuss with him how this makes you feel when he doesn't share it with you. Make him understnad your point of view.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:28pm
Thank you for your speedy reply. I have talked to him about this more times than I can even begin to tell you. I've made some progress because he used to hide it in parts of the computer that I never went or in secret mis-labeled folders and he doesn't do that anymore. He knows that I know where they are but unless my computer goes awry then I don't go looking and that is what started this again.

He must have accessed something that added spyware to my computer so whenever I opened IE I was getting porno pop up's. He didn't deny that it was his fault but of course I had to fix it.

Back to the point, this just doesn't seem to end. He claims that men can watch porn without becoming excited and while I believe that might be true sometimes because some porn is so funny you just can't help but laugh at it, I don't think that is always the case. He has this thing about girl on girl porn. Now, before you even mention that he might not think I am interested he knows that isn't totally true because I am bi. and he knows it. It's been some time since I've had a girlfriend and mostly that is because my family is more important to me than going out to the clubs to meet people etc etc. I do miss it but I am also very satisfied with my husband and he knows that too.

No matter how many times we talk about this we get nowhere. Last time I wanted to talk about it I decided to email him. Like I told him I didn't want to fight about it, I just want to understand why he feels the need to do this. I explained to him that it made me feel insecure like I am not enough for him but he never replied to my email : (

I know he loves me and we are very happy with the exception of this issue. I am very lucky that he is a good man and a very loving father so I've never really pushed too hard with this because I figure it could be worse but I don't understand why he can't help me to understand or be a part of this with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:45pm
How old are your children? I wouldn't be too blaise about the porn in your home because pretty soon your kids will be finding it and "sharing" it too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:27pm
Believe me I have thought about that too. My dd is 7 and my ds is 4 1/2. Thankfully they don't use the computer yet but it isn't far off. I'm less worried about this porn folder because it is well hidden but the pop up's concern me. At this age they wouldn't be allowed to use the computer without adult supervision.