can someone tell me how you....
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| Tue, 05-08-2007 - 2:50pm |
Can someone please tell me how you curb your jealously towards girl friends who are in relationships that in some ways, seem a tiny bit more ideal than your own? (even though you're very happy in your own?)
For example, I have a friend who spends all day, every day and every night with her boyfriend. She has not a single close girl friend (ok, so actually we're more "acquaintances".) While deep down, I KNOW my boyfriend and I are better in our own situation because we each have our own friends also and can go a few days without having to hang out, I am sometimes jealous that they do get to spend that much time together. I am also jealous of several engaged girl friends just because they are experiencing that fun part of their lives. I know it's the best and right decision for my boyfriend and I to wait, but I can't help the little green envy sometimes!!
I read a Cosmo article recently and it said, "don't ever be jealous of a girl friend with a rich husband because she might not get to see him too often due to travel, and she might actually be jealous that your husband can be home at a decent hour.... don't ever be jealous of girl friends who have easy jobs because maybe they're jealous of how repected you are in your own job...etc, .etc" This got me to thinking, maybe my friends are jealous that I have girl friends and a social life outside of my boyfriend? Maybe my girl friends are envious that we've chosen to push back the commitment of marriage until we've got more money for a great starter home, when they'll be paying off wedding debt?
But STILL, how can I fight that envy that is always making me compare my relationship to theirs? It's draining, you know?
Thanks!

I don't think it is - I wouldn't trade their relationships for mine in a second!! It's just that they have NOW what I want SOMEDAY, and its so hard watching them because its like AHHH I want to be at that part of my life also!! (being able to make dinner for her boyfriend every night, etc., and then my engaged friends being able to talk about furniture for a new place, etc.)
It's not at all "greener" over there.... It's just as green here, I guess maybe their grass is just growing a little faster? It's right for THEM, not yet for me. It will be right for me, in a couple years. It's just hard to watch sometimes because I'll sit there and say dangit! I want that now too!
I don't think there is anything wrong with being a little envious, as long as, it isn't controlling or ruining your life. I love my fiance and our relationship and I wouldn't change it for anything, but sometimes I am envious of your friends that are my age that already have a nice house, two nice cars, a boat, a daughter, and
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I'm going to give a different opinion to the other posters.
I wonder if you are jealous because deep down, they've got something you're wanting. You say you're really happy with how things are in your relationship....but I can't help but wonder if you secretly want your relationship to move a little quicker. Or perhaps you'd like to see your boyfriend a little more often than you already do.
I'm not saying you secretly want to get engaged tomorrow or see him every waking moment...but perhaps there are things in your relationship that need tweaking a little?
Well, there's a little bit of truth to that, but its not entirely the way I feel deep down. The emotional part of me (my "heart") often says, "I wish him and I could just get our own place and start planning a wedding so our friends and families know this is it, we are THIS in love!" and in that sense, we would be speeding things up and seeing more of each other. But I only want that because we are so in love, so head over heels, that of course its tempting to want to rush into that. It's just like looking forward to a day at say, a theme park. When you know its where you're going, you just can't help but wish it would come sooner...
But the LOGICAL part of me (my "head") is saying no no no!! You're wayyyy too young - I'm 20 - and my friends who are all getting engaged and moving in together are around my age as well. So that part of me is saying, "these people are crazy. they're missing out on the fun you have because they've sacrificed it already. while they're spending the time and money on these things (apartments, weddings, etc.) I get to spend my money on more fun things, for young people! for example, my BF and I are planning a trip next year, and it's better and pricier than one of my girl friends' honeymoon trips because they don't have the money due to the wedding...
there are SO many advantages to my position, and I know that. my BF knows I get envious of the girls with these things, and he's willing to work at it with me (by seeing each other more, etc.) but the truth is, we do see each other plenty and we are on the perfect path right now. It's just looking around at the people who've progressed a bit further with their boyfriends and it makes me feel like rushing also.
i guess what im looking for on this board is just how do all of you, in your great wisdom =), manage to overlook your own girl friends and just brush it aside? does it ever get to you, even just a little bit?
Envy and jealousy are negative emotions that eat up your life, well being and energy. Yes, they are extremely draining. To get rid of envy, why not focus on all the good you have in your own life. Envious people are always comparing themselves to others and thinking others have it better than them. They have a hard time being happy for others. They do not realize that the happier they are for others, the more happiness will come to them as well.
Realize that each person recives just what they need for their lives. Are you grateful for the good you have? Do you offer thanks? Do you notice all of those who are much less better off than you? Do you offer to help them? If you extend yourself to those who are needy and have less than you, you will soon be able to appreciate the great blessings you have in your own life. This is the best way to get rid of jealousy. And, it's important to do so.
Best wishes,
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>>i guess what im looking for on this board is just how do all of you, in your great wisdom =), manage to overlook your own girl friends and just brush it aside? does it ever get to you, even just a little bit?<<
No, I don't get envious - not even a little bit. I'm 40 and a number of steps in front of you...but there is still more to be potentially jealous over. Nice houses and fancy cars. Mortgages paid off = easier lifestyle etc etc.
The one thing I could (but don't) get envious over is their children. You see, one of mine is significantly disabed. But I don't even wish I had 'normal' children like them. Sometimes I look at their 'normal' children and am thankful that I don't have to deal with hormone filled little boys!
To be honest, jealousy not something I've ever had to battle with so I don't really have any tips. Counting my blessings works if I'm a bit tired of disabled parenting - so perhaps it would work for jealousy?