Can we be friends again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Can we be friends again?
7
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:43pm

My fiance called me today to tell me that hes thinking about breaking up with me! He saids that he has alot of stress and that he doesn't want to take it out on me. I can understand that, and then he tells me that if he decides to break up with me then we can still be friends. I know thats what we decided when we got together and all, but that was then, and this is now. I don't think i can be friends with him after everything we've shared. How can i not look at him and not want to kiss him? How am i suppose to feel when or if we hug, knowing that it doesn't mean anything more then a friendly handshake? And how can i act around him when he tells me he has a new girlfriend?! Be all 'thats great, i'm so happy for you'? I know i can't do that. I wonder if he even knows if he could do that. I don't know what to do! HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:46pm

Welcome to the board bluebird2073318,


I would think it would be very difficult for you to be friends if he would to end your engagement.


I also think him wanting to break up with you because he is stressed if b.s. I think there has to be something else going on. There are always going to be stressors in life, but that doesn't mean that you give up on the relationship your in because you stressed. Did he say what he was stressed about?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:55pm

He saids that its due to his work. He works 4 days a week, 6am to around 6:30pm. Thats not all.

He recently turned 21, and has gone to a strip club drinking beer (i think he said he had about 4 bottles). He told me ahead of time, so i knew about it. I can let him off of the strip club thing, and the beer drinking...i don't know about that just yet. I don't drink (i'm 23 by the way) because i'm against it and all...i just...gah!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:03pm

When were the two of you planning on getting married? I hope you're not actually in the process of making the arrangements, because your fiance doesn't sound like a person who's ready to get married. He has only just turned 21 (how long have you been together?) and he seems to be wanting to do the things that 21-year-old guys want to do. You are also talking about his behavior in a way that suggests you are the disciplinarian in the relationship: he told you he was planning to visit the strip club, reported the amount of beer he consumed, and you are willing to "let him off" going to the strip club, but maybe not the beer drinking.

It sounds as if the two of you are not in the same place in terms of maturity and readiness for a permanent relationship, so you are likely to find that he continues to pull away from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:07pm

Hi bluebird,


Unfortunately, you are getting a first-hand look at how he deals with stress and knowing it now is better than finding out after you are married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:14pm
I guess the question would be should i tell him how i really feel about the whole 'just friends' thing or just not and avoid it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:36pm
If he brings it up again, tell him you have thought about it and there is no way that you could just be friends.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 5:36pm
my boyfriend says that if we were to ever break up, he would like to think he would be happy if i were to get married to someone else and have their kids. i told him no way, jose. i would never be able to see him be the father to some other woman's kids. it may be immature, but i guess that must be what i am..... ...........
however, i think it's perfectly understandable to not want to have a friendship with someone who broke off an engagement over being stressed out. i would never have any relationships if i did that.