Can we be "Just Friends"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Can we be "Just Friends"?
20
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 5:31pm

Hello!

I have a simple question. Do you think it is possible for a man and a woman to be "just friends" when both are very attracted to each other, both have feelings involved, and both like each other very much?...............and now both parties have let this be known?

Both of these people are married with kids (obviously, that is the problem here) but both man and woman said they'd rather see each other then not, and are "just friends".

They have told each other they'd marry each other if they weren't married, when trying to "avoid" each other, they told each other how they missed one another.

Thoughts?

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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 11:21am

The answer to this is clearly, "no". Obviously feelings have risen to the point where the two of you have expressed them. If you are both married to other people, then you would just be playing games and playing with your heads and hearts (not to speak of those of your partners), if you continued this relationship, pretending it was only friends. It's not only friends. And, the more you see one another, the deeper the fantasies and desires will go. This is unfair to both your spouses and yourself. Inevitably, you will be withdrawing feelings and attraction from your partners.


It's best to cut this relationship off. It's also important to explore and see what's missing in your marriage that would allow these strong feelings for another man to grow. Rather than fantasize about someone else, why not seek some marriage counseling, work on what's missing in your relationship and find ways to develop those feelings for your partner once again. Running away from difficulties by fantasyzing about another never solves anything. In the long run it simply creates more pain. Deal with what's wrong directly. If you don't, even if you leave, the problem goes right with you.


Best wishes,

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:29pm

<> - this, to me, is NOT the definition of "just friends".

You cannot remain true to your spouse when you have romantic and sexual feelings for someone else and you actually choose to spend time in this person's company. It's a betrayal. Your spouse is the ONLY one who should be receiving these feelings. By spending time with someone else, hanging out, conversing, what have you, your giving away energy that should be going to your spouse and ONLY your spouse.

Touching or not touching does NOT change the fact that this is a betrayal and is wrong.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:31pm
leavehimnow - is/was your spouse aware of this? Seriously, I'm curious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 6:17pm

Hello,

Thank you for your input here. Appears as if EVERYONE who has posted here has the same EXACT thoughts, other then one person. I must say, if I am to be 100% honest w/myself, that if my H were doing "this" with some other woman, was very fond of her, liked her a lot, was extremely attracted to her, I would not like it either. Guess I just figure since nothing has happend sexually, and assuming it won't, it is okay.

You see, the people involved here are - well, one is a doctor, and the other a patient of the doctors.....so, I figure, hey, there is NO WAY either of these parties would take it to that level for the obvious. But began to worry once I heard both had revealed they had feelings for each other, thinking, it may make it much easier for something to happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 7:15pm
It is an emotional affair, which can be just as damaging as a physical one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 8:33am
A doctor/patient relationship like this? He's looking to lose his license for practicing medicine in the state he's in and looking at a huge law suit. Serious, serious no no!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 11:13am
Absolutely, and he probably should lose his license. Also, an attraction to a doctor usually happens because it's a very vulnerable position to put herself in with another person, and for a lot of women, feeling vulnerable is confused with romantic feelings... Or just simply leads to them. This is not a smart relationship for them to pursue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:09pm

yes. also why the friendship is important and why i never want it to go further than the friendship it is.

it is also about trust and self esteem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:10pm
i must have missed something. when did all friendships turn into emotional affairs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:50pm
No where did I say all friendships turn into emotional affairs. But in the situation that the OP was explaining, the attraction they have with each other makes all the difference.

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