Can we really be just friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Can we really be just friends?
1
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 2:45pm
WEll, I posted on here the other day under "will he ever call me again." Well, he did call me, about two days ago. He told me that we didn't break up because of something I did or because something was wrong with the relationship. He said he has a lot on his plate right now and a bunch of stuff in his life that he needs to sort out before he can really be happy in a relationship. And I know he is not lieing about that. I mean before we ever got together he told me that he didn't want a girlfriend because he had so much other stuff to deal with. But I wanted a boyfriend so I pushed. He said he got into the relationship because he thought he was ready for it but now he doesnt think he is.

So I basically told him goodbye, see ya and goodluck. But he wouldn't let me go. He said that he still loved me and cared about me he just needed to sort his life out. He didn't just not want to ever see me again. And he told me he would give me time if I needed it but that I should really consider trying to be his friend. He said he didn't want to throw it all away. And maybe one day when he gets his life together and if I'm still his friend then we should try it again.

I mean my friends are telling me that this could just be a bump in the relationship and that we are just on break. But i'm not sure. I want to ask him where he stands but I don't want him to think that I'm pushing for a relationship again. I know we both need are time. So should I just back off and let him call me?

Now I'm confused. He tells me he still loves me and I understand that he has problems to deal with but can two people who love each other really be just friends? We were friends before we dated but we didn't feel then what we do now. And should I have any hope whats so ever for our future together? I myself just don't want a relationship right now either. I just want to figure out what I want. But I don't want to throw it all away either. So I told him we could try it but if he wants it then he will have to put effort into it and he said he would. So now I just need some advice please!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 3:06pm
How long have you known him?

::And maybe one day when he gets his life together and if I'm still his friend then we should try it again.

Ok, I understand people having individual problems and needing to work on them. But if you are a 'couple' I don't understand shuting the other person out of your life and/or not allowing them to help, support and love you through it. Does this means if there are other 'issues' later on in the relationship, he will push you away again?

::So should I just back off and let him call me?

I would do that.

::Now I'm confused. He tells me he still loves me and I understand that he has problems to deal with but can two people who love each other really be just friends? We were friends before we dated but we didn't feel then what we do now. And should I have any hope whats so ever for our future together?

Being just friends requires no other expecations in the relationship. If you can be 'friends' without expecting a relationship later, or more later, then be friends.

::I myself just don't want a relationship right now either. I just want to figure out what I want.

That's a great place to be, working on you and what you want.

::But I don't want to throw it all away either. So I told him we could try it but if he wants it then he will have to put effort into it and he said he would.

Throw what away? See how it goes. If he calls and makes an effort and you want to be his friend, then be his friend. If he calls and you two meet up and you decide it's too hard, then don't accept the invitations in the future, but talk on the phone if you are comfortable with it.


Carrie