Can you fall in love again?
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Can you fall in love again?
| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 9:57pm |
Thank you in advance!
I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have 4 children, technically, he has 3, I was previously married. I have not felt” in love" with my husband for many years now. When we were married, I believe it was for all the wrong reasons. I was looking for someone who was the total opposite of my first husband and needed sanity and security. Now that has become very boring. We are two totally different people with the only thing in common is the children we have. I think I was in love when we got married and we had a good first few years together. In the last year, I have said that I wanted a divorce on several occasions. He thinks we can still work on it but doesn't want me to stay for reasons outside of being in love. I have told him that I am not in love and never was on the same level with him as I was my first husband (I didnt say it in a mean way, open conversation) I have also started having an emotional affair with a married man and it was my feelings for him that really set of a bell in my head that my marriage is so devoid of love, but only on my side of things. My husband loves me very much. I know to give our relationship a chance, I need to do away with my affair and focus on my marriage. I feel like it is such an uphill battle and for what? I am really just doing it to keep my "happy little family". Kids aside, I would have been gone along time ago. I feel like my emotional affair is keeping me above water. I crave the feelings I get from being around him.
So can you ever fall in love with someone you never really were in love with? I do not respect my husband at all and that is something that we are working on as well.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have 4 children, technically, he has 3, I was previously married. I have not felt” in love" with my husband for many years now. When we were married, I believe it was for all the wrong reasons. I was looking for someone who was the total opposite of my first husband and needed sanity and security. Now that has become very boring. We are two totally different people with the only thing in common is the children we have. I think I was in love when we got married and we had a good first few years together. In the last year, I have said that I wanted a divorce on several occasions. He thinks we can still work on it but doesn't want me to stay for reasons outside of being in love. I have told him that I am not in love and never was on the same level with him as I was my first husband (I didnt say it in a mean way, open conversation) I have also started having an emotional affair with a married man and it was my feelings for him that really set of a bell in my head that my marriage is so devoid of love, but only on my side of things. My husband loves me very much. I know to give our relationship a chance, I need to do away with my affair and focus on my marriage. I feel like it is such an uphill battle and for what? I am really just doing it to keep my "happy little family". Kids aside, I would have been gone along time ago. I feel like my emotional affair is keeping me above water. I crave the feelings I get from being around him.
So can you ever fall in love with someone you never really were in love with? I do not respect my husband at all and that is something that we are working on as well.
Any advice would be appreciated.

Welcome to the board darkntwisty,
I do think people can fall in love again, however, I see two problems that could prevent this from happening again. Those problems are that you say you were never in love with him and that you don't respect him. You had to have felt some kind of love for him in order to marry him and have children with him. In order to rekindle those feelings, you are going to have to try. It seems though like you have already given up. Would you be willing to try and save your marriage?
You could look into marriage counseling and individual counseling for you. Do you know why you don't respect your husband? Is this something you can overcome and learn to respect him again?
Also it is important to end the emotinal affair if you want to work on your marriage.
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