Cancelled Wedding - Now What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Cancelled Wedding - Now What?
3
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 6:37pm
I'm supposed to be getting married in 3 weeks and I cancelled the wedding. The guy I was engaged to is PERFECT. But I felt like we were missing the 'spark.' Am I crazy for not marrying a wonderful person because I don't feel the need to 'rip his clothes off'? He's my best friend... shouldn't that be enough? He wants to work on our relationship and be together. Should I? Does lust fade regardless of who you're with? Is friendship the foundation for love? I'm afraid I'll always be looking and searching for something (or someone) that may not exist. Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:19pm
I would say that as hard as it is to cancel a wedding it is good that you didn't go through with it becuase you are obviously having doubts. I think that your relationship can be saved because you do have a great relationship with your fiance and he is obviously your best friend. I think it is important to marry your best friend. However, being a best friend isn't always enough. That is why getting married is a hard decision, you have to have so many aspects involved. I think you are lucky that he wants to work on your relationship. Do whatever it takes and work on it. Yes, lust does fade sometimes, but it is something that you can get back. If you feel like something is missing, search out your relationship and try to fix it. You won't be happy or satisfied if you just marry him because you are such great friends. Although there are times in my marriage that it's like, okay we need to get the spark back, it is rare and it is something we try to deal with quickly. I will tell you that I just lust after my husband and want to tear his clothes off. We haven't geen married for such a long time (almost two years) but I feel like we will always have this kind of connection - because we work on it and make it work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:00pm
Thanks. I appreciate the advice. I think you're right... he's willing to work on the relationship and I should give it everything I've got before I let it go. Otherwise, I'll always wonder 'what if.'

Thank you and may you and your husband have a lifetime of happiness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:35pm
I respect the difficult decision that you made. It is better to cancel your wedding now than go through with it feeling the doubts you have. Pay attention to your mind and heart. It sounds like you and your fiance have many great things in your relationship. Perhaps trying to work on the part you feel is missing will help. You may find that you have that spark, or you may find that you don't have it. When looking at a lifelong commitment, it is very important that you are sure in your mind and heart that you are making the right decision. You will know if this relationship is the right one or not. Just give it more time and effort to see... Good luck to you and your fiance.