Can't get on with his family and friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Can't get on with his family and friends
15
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 3:27pm

I've been with my partner for almost two years. We moved in together almost immediately.

We enjoy each other's company and have a great sex life. My daughter loves him. We come from very different backgrounds and have very different opinions, expectations and ways of doing things, which can cause a problem.

I got on ok with his family to start with, mainly because I kept my mouth shut. There have been lies told about me, public attacks on me (you guessed it: Facebook), talking behind my back and I finally had enough. I retaliated on a few occassions and have now fallen out with his mum, two of his cousins and a few friends.

This is putting a major strain on our relationship and he has now moved out so that his family can visit as I said I didn't want them in my house when they treated me like that.

Tonight his mum's visiting along with a couple of his friend's. It feels like he has a house full of people that hate me and with all that goes on behind my back I find it very unsettling. I also feel very jealous because he's having fun and I'm not invited. I know that probably sounds stupid but it feels like I'm excluded, like I'm an outcast.

I don't know how to resolve the situation as I refuse to accept their lack of respect towarsd me, I don't trust them at all and I can't see us ever wanting to be in the same room. He's already told them that he loves me and is staying with me but it doesn't seem to have had much of an effect.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I can deal with this please?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 3:57pm

I'm really sorry. That sounds intolerable.

What do you mean when you say you "retaliated"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 4:50pm

I mean I responded in kind rather than sitting quietly.

You might well be right about being set up. It woudn't suprise me. The fact that my partner has been told so many lies about me suggests that they want to split us up, in fact his mum has told me straight that he won't be staying with me. I'd like to know the real reason they want me out of the picture. Could it be jealousy on their part I wonder?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 5:40pm

Does he have any insight whatsoever? I'm interested in his side of the story. Have they done this to other GFs?

I don't know if you've seen the movie The Fighter with Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg but this definitely sounds like the family from that movie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 5:49pm

I believe they caused problems with at least one other significant ex. Oddly they seem to think the world of her now they've separated.

His usual reaction is to blame it all on me, however I think that's just defensive behaviour and the fact that he has pulled them on it recently proves that he knows they're playing a part in it, and I'm not pleading innocence there!

He seems to think that it's possible to keep me and everybody else separate forever. I don't. I think he's just as lost as I am with it.

The more I stand my ground, the more barriers are created, but if I let them walk all over me then obviously that brings it's own problems. I'd try talking it through but I can't honestly see it working. I'd either get it thrown back in my face or I'd be humoured and set up to play again.

I haven't seen that film, but I'll make sure I watch it. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 6:20pm

"He seems to think that it's possible to keep me and everybody else separate forever."

It's not, if he is serious about you.

"His usual reaction is to blame it all on me"

There's no justification for this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 6:40pm

And now I have the typical reaction to a night alone with his mother: late night text messages with vague accusations about me and other men.

For the record, I have never cheated on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 7:36pm

Never mind.

Problem solved!

Thanks for your help, alas I fear it's a bit late and I deserve better.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 1:50am

How did you solve your problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 6:26am

I told him to stick it.

I deserve better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 9:06am

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I am throwing you a party!! You definitely deserve better than this.

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