can't get over my ex, need help
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can't get over my ex, need help
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:00am |
My ex and I have been no longer for over a year now, but we had been together for almost 4 yrs. He broke up with me because of long distance and we were both attending different colleges. We talk on the phone about once every week or two. I've tried to stay close to him even though I know he's out lookin for girls. See, I was his first gf, so naturally after 4 yrs I can understand that he'd want to look around. But the thing is i can't get over him. He hasnt been with any girls yet (secretly i'm kinda glad..) but he's comfortable enough to tell me about girls he likes and I'm supportive and try to help him out and talk to him as if we were just friends. But the thing is I can't move on. I've hid all his things away from view, I go out and meet guys, but there are 2 problems: 1) either i meet guys who are interested in me but i don't find them attractive at ALL or 2) i see guys i find attractive that aren't interested in me that way. secretly, i think about my ex all the time, about our memories, and i can't not think about it.
So i guess the second part of my worries is that recently my ex was confiding in me that he likes one of his close girl friends, he told me that when she asked him if he still talked to me, he told me that his response was, "yea, we talk all the time, in fact, we're good friends." And usually we go visit each other, but this time it's different. I live in chicago, but currently with my relatives and i don't want to tell him that. so when he asked if he could come see me, and i said it was too busy in school right now-which was true on that aspect- and i asked if i could go see him instead, because he lives in his dorms and he got all stubborn and said, no i don't want you comin over, i need a break from u. I wish there were signs to look for if he would ever want to get back together with me. That's the only thing holding me together, because I feel so lost if I can't see him. He's goin off abroad for a semester this year, and he says he'd want to see me after that probably. But I can't get over him, and I'm constantly lookin for guys that are interested in me, but no luck. So i think of my ex even more, and it makes me so depressed that i have no one. i feel like i'm goin to be alone forever.
I hate it when people tell me, "oh u'll find someone someday" it only makes me ten times more depressed. What can I do? I know some great guys, but I'm physically not attracted to ANY of them. What's wrong w/ me? HELP!
So i guess the second part of my worries is that recently my ex was confiding in me that he likes one of his close girl friends, he told me that when she asked him if he still talked to me, he told me that his response was, "yea, we talk all the time, in fact, we're good friends." And usually we go visit each other, but this time it's different. I live in chicago, but currently with my relatives and i don't want to tell him that. so when he asked if he could come see me, and i said it was too busy in school right now-which was true on that aspect- and i asked if i could go see him instead, because he lives in his dorms and he got all stubborn and said, no i don't want you comin over, i need a break from u. I wish there were signs to look for if he would ever want to get back together with me. That's the only thing holding me together, because I feel so lost if I can't see him. He's goin off abroad for a semester this year, and he says he'd want to see me after that probably. But I can't get over him, and I'm constantly lookin for guys that are interested in me, but no luck. So i think of my ex even more, and it makes me so depressed that i have no one. i feel like i'm goin to be alone forever.
I hate it when people tell me, "oh u'll find someone someday" it only makes me ten times more depressed. What can I do? I know some great guys, but I'm physically not attracted to ANY of them. What's wrong w/ me? HELP!

You cannot get over someone if you keep in constant contact like you have been. And NO, after 4 years together, you cannot discuss new relationships. You cannot go from being boyfriend and girlfriend and lovers to best friends discussing your hunt for your next mate. It wont work. I dont care what anyone tells you - as long as you continue this relationship with him now - you WILL NOT GET OVER HIM. You have to establish a 'NO CONTACT' Rule - and do it now!!! You need to explain to him that you are still having a hard time dealing with him as a friend since you two were so close for so long. And explain to him that in the furture maybe you can continue your friendship. BUT at this moment in you life you need to work on YOU - and do it!!!! It is hard.
Check out the ivillage message boards on mending a broken heart etc. for more info. Keep posting here when you get "weak" and want to get in touch with him.
I am NOT saying that later on in the future you two wont get together - but for now, you need to let it be and heal what you can. THEN move on - however you want to.
My heart goes out to you - its a rough road - good luck
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
If things were meant to be, then you will be together again. I just really think you are hurting yourself more by trying to stay in contact with him. The LAST thing you want to know is that he is with someone else.
Try to hang in there, and come here for support!
I wish you the best!
best wishes :)