Can't shake this feeling...
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| Fri, 10-05-2007 - 8:36pm |
Quick background...
I've been with my bf for 1 1/2 years. We recently moved in together. We are happy, and he talks about marriage and our future all the time.
My problem is his ex. They were together for 6 years. They were High school sweethearts. (My BF is now 26) Anyway, they were engaged and she broke up with him because she wanted to see what else was out there and she was cheating on him. He was heart-broken.
They had been broken up for about 8 months when we started dating. He had gone on a couple dates before me but I was the first "serious" person he dated since her. Everything was fine at first, but once she found out he was dating someone she began calling him and wanting to hang out with him again.
He never crossed the line with her, he never cheated on me. And she has since met a new guy and moved across the country to be with him. She still e-mails my BF but not to the extent like before.
My problem is, when we were together for 3 months, he spent $400 on a birthday present for her. It was a custom-made canvas painting of one of her friends that had been killed in the war. Giving friends b-day presents is fine, but not $400 presents! We almost broke up over it...
We talked about it and he assured me that they are only friends. I got over it, obviously, as we are still together. But Honestly, I don't think I ever really did get over it. Deep down I feel he still has feelings for her. And although he treats me great, and gives me no reason to worry (anymore) I'm still not 100% sure he is over her.
It is driving me nuts. I know we can't move forward with this over my head. I have talked to him about how I feel and he tells me he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. He admits he did when he met me, but he doesn't anymore and he hasn't for quite awhile. And I feel like our whole relationship is a joke. It is supposed to be built on love and trust but yet he was still in love with his ex when we were together?
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I deserve someone who is totally 100% in love with ME and nobody else. And although he says he loves me, and I know he does, I cant shake this feeling that he still loves her...and will possibly forever love her more than me. I expect him to always care for her, she was a big part of his life. But this is different...


Welcome to the board diamonddani,
I'm going to try to get you to look at this differently.
I can forgive him if the feelings are indeed, over. My problem is, I don't know if they are or not. Considering when we first started dating he said he didn't have feelings for her. Then later, he admitted that he did but that he was now over her. I'm having a hard time believing him considering he lied to me at first.
So do I have to worry if he started our relationship with left-over feelings for her if he is in fact, now over them?
.
You two have been together for a year and a half, my guess is that yes, he's probably over her by now.
You might these two articles interesting:
The One that Got Away