Can't take him anywhere!
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| Sun, 06-20-2004 - 7:40pm |
I am involved in many social activities in our community. Through my work, especially volunteer work, I feel like I am well-liked and respected by my peers and community in general. Some of my social activities are political in nature as well. I have always tried to include my husband in these events if he's interested, by inviting him to dinners and other activities. Now that he's home more, he's available to attend more with me. But, it seems, he's totally forgotten how to properly dress or behave for such functions. I'm not a fashion queen, but I believe in wearing proper attire for the function - and being clean and neat whenever in public. He seems to think it's perfectly acceptable to go to these social activities wearing dirty clothes in which he's been working in the yard all day - or wearing his comfy bedroom mocs instead of regular shoes. This has been getting progressively worse for the past couple of years. He went to an awards banquet wearing a shirt with food on it from a meal the day before - I could give lots of examples, but hopefully you're getting the (yuk!) picture.
It's almost as if he deliberately wants to embarrass me in public, among my friends and associates that have respect for me. I've tried to make subtle suggestions on what would be nice to wear, I've tried ignoring it (thinking that if he was trying to bug me, that would defeat his goal) and now I just don't know what to do. I don't mind attending events alone and with the way he's been dressing and acting (mostly just totally inappropriate comments - such as racist remarks) I actually would prefer to attend without him. I really don't want to cut him out of my social life, but I really can't stand this much longer.
I would appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with this behavior and also any insight on why he is doing this.
Thanks!
Reba
Edited 6/20/2004 8:29 pm ET ET by reba04

As for health issues, he had some serious problems about a year ago (cardiac) but has recovered well and is sticking with his treatment plan. I think that scare was somewhat of a wake-up call, and he now has a more positive outlook about retirement and life in general. I don't see him as waiting to go to the old folks home and lay down and die. He's still busy with yardwork, gardening, and our favorite hobby - motorcycles. Not only do we ride, but he does restoration of old bikes - hard work at times, but his favorite hobby. He's certainly not your typical "senior citizen" that spends hours watching TV and playing gin.
His general attitude toward his future is positive and he seems to enjoy his activities. That's why it's so frustrating to me for him to behave like he's been doing when we have the occasional social function to attend together. I think it's childish and even selfish of him to behave that way. I know that there is some school of thought that would say that *I* am the one with the problem, not him, and I can see that, to a point. If that is the case, I see that I have two options - tolerate it (which I refuse to do anymore) or remove him from those activities - which I think may actually be the way to go.
He has been very supportive of me - both morally and financially - as I am working toward a major career change (it involves me working toward my doctorate degree,) so I find it so odd that he also seems to try to undermine me by acting in this manner during these events - especially the political ones.
I would love to hear suggestions of possible solutions other than the two options I listed above. It's still somewhat of a mystery to me!
Reba
Just my first impression's two cents worth...
Eve
Would he object to you picking an outfit for him before you go? My mom does that with my dad - she puts it on the bed otherwise he ends up in stuff that doesn't match and then refuses to change.
I guess what you have to do is tell him it bothers you and how you would want him to change it. The other choice you have is to go without him.