Caught him cheating - Invaded Privacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Caught him cheating - Invaded Privacy
9
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 5:08pm

For a long time i have had a bad feeling about my boyfriend. I didn't know what it was, i just felt a permanent knot in my stomach. One day I guessed his email password and found MULTIPLE emails to and from another girl. I stayed up all night reading everything. She is married and supposedly she is getting divorced so they she and my boyfriend can be together. According to the emails, they love each other more than they have ever loved before, she is the best thing that happened to him, sends her super long romantic emails... The whole package. The thing is I absolutely could not tell him I read his emails!!! So when i broke up with him i said it was because his behavior and attitude has changed towards me. I had a bad feeling about him and need time to be sure he can be the man i need". I also asked him to please tell me if he has ever cheated on me. He looked straight into my eyes and said NO, NEVER.

The next day he broke up with her. Now, they still email every day. She begs him to take her back. He says no. But the moment she gives up... he says things like "do you still love me?" or "I'm at the coffee house near your house, come and kiss me"... to this last one she replied "OK I'll be there" and he replied with "sorry i just left". So apparently they have not met again.

My problem is that... i am burning up inside! I feel an incredible urge to tell him "I KNOW!!" especially when he calls begging and saying I'm the most wonderful woman in the world. Swearing that he has not and will never cheat on me.

How do I approach him? I can't tell him i invaded his privacy. I have thought about saying i hired a private investigator. Or forwarding one of "those" emails to me on one of the nights he goes out and gets drunk. - so he thinks he did it accidentally. I don't know if I will ever forgive him. But I don't think is right for someone to just lie like that and get away with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 6:04pm

The relationship is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 6:26pm

It's over. Let him go, if you stay he will always cheat on you. You don't need to be afraid about invading his privacy. Which do you think is worse, acting on a suspicion or cheating with a married woman?

He has no intention of being monogamous to you. Look at how sacred he considers marriage.

You really don't need this. Even if you forgive him someday, you need to make him exit your life and find someone who deserves you. I'm very sorry this happened to you, there is no reason for you to be cheated on and someday you will find a man who could never fathom hurting you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 8:23pm

Welcome to the board,


The relationship is over and since you aren't interested in getting back together with him I think the best thing to do is to ednd communication with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 11:03pm

Welcome to the board gal_berry99,


You broke up with him, so I'm not sure why you posted on this board -

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 2:18pm

Who said anything about him getting away with it? Unless you dislike yourself enough to stay with him after this. I really don't get why you're still with this guy, or hoping for a reconciliation of some kind.

When someone sits there and you KNOW they are bold-face lying to you while looking you in the eye, that should immediately tell you they think you're stupid. You're not stupid.

He doesn't think you're the most wonderful woman in the world, if he did, he wouldn't be calling someone ELSE for a quick rendezvous. You already KNOW the truth about the rest of the lies he's telling you.

Just keep walking away. If it'll make you feel better, make a reference to him trying to meet her at the coffeehouse near her place for a kiss AS you're walking. That should shut him up. It won't matter at that point anyway if he knows you've looked in his stuff. You may even want to suggest he change his passwords.

There's no way to save this one, no matter which way you look at it, it's simply not worth it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 6:32pm
The
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:03pm

I guess deep down I was hoping that if i could find a way to confront him about it and make him aware of the concequences (losing me), he would stop cheating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:14pm

The beauty of speaking your truth is you don't have to argue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 9:46am

I agree with Carrie's advice.