Caught his friends talking ill of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Caught his friends talking ill of us.
6
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 10:08pm



Edited 7/30/2007 4:06 pm ET by lindsaylt
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 10:45pm

I don't think you should be strong-arming your boyfriend into apologizing to his friends. It's also pretty immature to involve his friends and brother in your fights. Don't bother him into long relationship talks when he's with other people; if he hangs up on you then let him hang up. I'm glad your issue got resolved but sometimes you need to let the other person have their space when they need it. You basically forced him to talk with you immediately when that clearly wasn't his chosen method of dealing with it. I understand your desire to solve problems and not go to sleep angry but really, sometimes you need to give someone time to cool off.

His friends are pretty crappy to be talking about you behind your back like that, and I don't think there's any excuse for it, but let me try to explain... You call, and come over, and your boyfriend rolls his eyes and goes "oh it's the girl." His friends, having witnessed this before, and being guys, say to themselves (or out loud) "oh great, we need to bear witness to your relationship drama." Then, being the men they are and fiercely devoted to a member of the wolf pack, try to make him feel less p-whipped by saying stuff like "oh she's crazy anyway." That's their way of making him feel better and more of a man.

They're just being typical guys, and when a bunch of guys get together they are often not the nicest of people. The best way to deal with it is to stop the drama and hysterics, let it slide off your back and most importantly: KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP DRAMA IN THE RELATIONSHIP! The better impression they have of you, the more they will like you; unfortunately witnessing negative relationship drama makes them think less of you. I still think they were jerks to talk about you like that but I just thought you might like to know where they're probably coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:07pm
I totally understand what you mean by forcing him to confront the issue with me. But I never intended for it to involve his friends and I tried my best to not involve them-- that is why I chose to speak to him in my car. I don't like going to bed angry and neither does he. I believe it's immature to run away from your problems and closing communications. Running away and not confronting problems is cowardly to me.
Also, in the four years that we dated I have only gone to his brother's place to talk to my bf only once before, so it wasn't an issue of "here she goes again". Like I mentioned before, I am not a loud-mouth, nor do I discuss our issues with his friends. Moreover, they do not carry on conversations with him were they tell him that he is 'whipped' by me to his face, nor do they discuss me to him. Apparently this is only done behind his back, so he was as shocked and hurt over this revelation as I was.
They have no reason to think less of me when they hardly know me, nor have witness so much 'drama and hysterics' from us, as you imply. This is why this behavior from them is so offending.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:17pm

I know that running from problems is cowardly, but he probably just needed some time to himself to clear his head. It's hard to solve problems when you're still emotional from a fight and there's nothing wrong with taking a little time to calm yourself down before going at it again.

I'm also not saying that you're fighting in front of his friends, but to take him away from what he's doing so you can have a private chat is not something that goes unnoticed to them. They're still AHes for being so rude to you and it was totally uncalled for on their part. Idiots don't always act rationally or say things only with good reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:32pm
Thanks a lot for understanding and helping me with my thoughts. I know I should have waited longer to talk to him, now. I just thought that he would not be as angry when I saw him, because our arguement had happen earlier in the day not at night, when I did get to see and talk to him.
Would you really just let their nasty comments roll off your back? I feel like it's going to take all I have to do that! Just the thought of it makes me sick. Please advise me on how can I help myself to do that? The thought of him hanging out and joking again with people who disrespected me. I guess it would make it easier if they apologized, but if they don't, it will make it even harder for me to forget and let it roll.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:31am

I've just found your post and have something to add.

While I do understand how hurt you are, I believe that a forced apology is worth nothing. You can demand an apology and they may give one to you....but I doubt they'll really mean it.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:34am

I don't know, you really already confronted them about it. They were stunned out of embarrassment. If you didn't get an apology then you shouldn't force it. They realize that you heard what they said and you got to see their reaction.

I urge you not to make too much more out of this, people say stupid things.