Changed level of friendship or permanent
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| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:45pm |
We had a new co-worker, Laura, come in about six months ago who is closer to my age, about three months later Laura and Jennifer clicked as good friends. I felt left out from their hanging out together. There were even times I unintentionally became a bit moody by showing my sadness around Jennifer and even sometimes isolated myself away from them when I'd see them laughing and getting along. I didn't think much of it in the beginning, but as weeks went by, I've talked a bit about this with Jennifer, and she said she noticed my isolating myself. I mentioned I knew and would do my best to lear away from that. We hugged and I told her I felt better. She also told me she feels like Laura is her best friend and never quite met a person like her before. That made me feel sad on the inside (thinking I would've been a good friend to her), but I felt I needed to smile to make her feel I respect her decision. Still after that day a few weeks ago, I saw Jennifer still wasn't talking with me as closely like she used to (such as updating me on how things are going in her life), so I kept asking and she would only give me one-worded answers like "good". I felt something was different....
Just last Friday, she sent me an email that I was overanalyzing all weekend long. It was hard to tell what her final decision was, so I, at first, took it as a permament thing as thought she's not interested in my friendship any longer. :( But then, I had a couple of co-workers read the email, and since they knew her, they told me their perceptions:
"Okay, here's how I perceived this email after knowing Jennifer as a person, and tell me what you think about it. It sounds like she's saying is she is distancing herself away and felt you were depending too much on leaning on her shoulder. As though, you were getting used to that. She also feels that she thinks of Laura as a really good friend and feels she wants to confide stuff in her. She doesn't want you to try hard. To me, Mona, it doesn't sound like she's trying to make you feel bad. She wants you to not have hurt feelings over trying to make this happen. Sometimes in life, best friends can click, but she definitely does not want to exclude you, and that's when she mentioned at the end she does not want you to feel hurt. I hope that helps."
I never really heard her saying she thought of me as a really good or really close friend. It was MY feeling I thought of her as a good friend. I guess she may felt I have bombarded her or overdone the confiding and told her too many of my situations that are going on in my life. Therefore, when she saw me acting somewhat moody, she got the impression I was trying to get Jennifer to make me happy or to coddle me. I didn't intend it to sound like that. :(
This was Monday, but I still see she's distant away from me and seems to avoid getting caught in the corner with me to even make small talk. :(
My question is: what does this mean now? Is this temporary or permament? I don't want to keep bugging her where she'll avoid me at work, but it's hard for me as I am very impatient.

No matter what happened, the fact is that all relationships go through different changes...the metamorhisize into different things, different levels. People change, they grow, you grow. Unfortunaltey, you dont always grow together. that seems to be whats happening here and as muich as it hurts, you need to let things take its course. Pressuring her for answers, or overanalyzing will only push her away farther. Have you tried to be friends with BOTH girls?Ever had all three of you hang out together? You never know, you all could become close...
Good luck,
In fact, I do talk with Laura as well. The three of us hung out several times outside of the working enviornment. My birthday last December, it was Jennifer's idea to put together a surprise party for me at a restaurant with a group of our co-workers. Then, we three went our separate ways after the dinner to shop and browse at a mall! I had the time of my life! :)
After that, two more times we three had dinner and hung out.
You see, her b-day was January 30th, and I told her I'd take her out to dinner and hang out like friends the next Friday. She asked, "Are you inviting Laura as well?" I reluctantly told her, "Oh yes." I didn't want to sound rude. I mean, Laura is also a great friend of mine, but I didn't want to feel left out with the two of them laughing and talking more... I mean, I just wanted to spend some "alone friend" time with Jennifer. Friends have to do that every once in a while, right? I don't know... I just felt... awful..