To chase or not to chase

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
To chase or not to chase
11
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:49am

My boyfriend and I split up about a month ago after a year long relationship. We had many troubles during this time, family issues and I also had to have an abortion for medical reasons - we went through a lot. Last night we got talking again for the first time since the split. It was nice and we admitted that we still love each other. Then he brought up that we are both moving on and bettering ourselves. True, I have just started my modelling career and he...well he is having lots of fun with his friends. I still want him back, and now he wants to start meeting up again and go for a drink and such.

The reason we split up is because I got so stressed about his drug habits, recreational nothing that would involve rehab or anything. I am a lot laid back then what I was. It is his decision after all.

How can I show him this with out him seeing me as 'just a bit of fun' etc and show him that we should be together?

Aside from anything else after talking to him last night it's all come flooding back about how much I lust over the guy.

Any help much appreciated!

Kind regards,

Bink

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 2:42pm

Welcome to the board madame_binky_lala,


If you want to get back together with him, I think you need to let him know that. It may be too hard for you to just be friends with him. That way you will also know that he is not using you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 3:39pm

Welcome to the board madame_binky_lala,


May I ask... has the drug used been addressed, changed or have you decided you can change your stand on it?




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:01pm

I have changed my stand on it. I do not take drugs, recreational or otherwise, however I have no accepted just cause you take drugs it means your a bad person. Sure its not great but it doesn't define who you are.

I'm very old fashioned. I would and will sacrafice anything for love. People may describe me as a walk over or what ever, but it makes me happy. Therefore my opinion has been changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:06pm
Ok, if I may, so if later on down the line, he's doing drugs in front of your kids, you'd be ok with that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:12pm
I am not planning on having children,I don't even think I can have children now any way. So that is not an issue. As I said it is recreational NOT drug abuse. He maybe takes something twice a month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:52pm
girl.....go for it. if you believe that love Conquers all then follow your heart! b/c if you don’t 10 years down the line u may regretting no telling him how u feel and how much u care about him. Just keep your eyes open if you do get back together, that way you wont go through another heart-breaking situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 8:35am

So I told him. I don't here from him. I go out with my friend He turns up. he is all over the girl that he cheated on me on 6 months ago, plus pretty much any other bit of skirt he can get hold of. Why tell me he wants me and still loves me just to do that...?

I can't wait to more away!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 11:50am
I'm really sorry you had that experience, Bink, especially since you were thinking through the possible relationship, etc. Of course, we didn't know about the cheating until just now, but it's obvious that you deserve better than this creep. Just hold your head up and walk away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2007
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 12:40pm

omg..i had no idea that he cheated on you sweetie. it seems that he's flirting with other girls for either two reasons :

1. he wants to make you jealous
2. this is his way of showing you
that he may want to move on.

i suggest that if you really do love him give him a little distance so he can miss you, maybe he's acting this way b/c he knows that he can go out do what he wants with other girls and when he gets bored of it, he'll come back to you b/c he knows u'll take him back. Show him who's boss,and dont let yourself be the fool. If he calls be nice but cut the conversation quickly, if he wants to hang out dont always say yes. Cancel on him, make your way to b in control. Yes it is hard and ive gone through a similar situation before.But now that there is nothing worse than loving someone who doesnt love you. Yeah you say he said he still loves you but actions speak louder than words. He must be really immature and confused if he's doing this to u. Beacuse if he loves you he shouldnt be trying to hurt you by flirting with other girls.

...and once you start keeping your distance give him some time but if he doesnt return then u have your answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 1:03pm
Thank you for your kind replies. At least now I have a reason to move on. It will be hard but we all go through it. I jsut, I just really really hope I find some one soon. I don't have a big window to have children. I never wanted them until I got pregnant, and had to ahve an abortion. I hope some one finds me and loves me enough to be with me properly before its too late.

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