Cheated with Ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Cheated with Ex
2
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 1:34pm
Hi! My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex 2 times. We have been dating for 5 months. It happened early on in the relationship. He dated her for 5 years and we started dating a few days after they broke up. I know we rushed into things but he doesn't want to lose me either. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He says the way he feels about me is something he has never felt before not even with his ex. He sees a future with me. But he continues to be friends and talks to his ex regularly. She visits him at work and occasionaly stops by his house. This makes me really uncomforable because he has cheated so I asked him to not be friends or see her anymore and he won't give up the friendship that he has with her for me. Does this mean he really doesn't feel the way hes says he feels about me and needs time to get over his ex? He has admitted that he still hurts from her. Am I just a rebound for him? Thanks so much for your advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: jmurphy41
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 1:48pm
How sad for you.

My personal opinion for what you posted. Yes, he's still attached to her - emotionally and possibly physically. He's not willing to end the friendship with her because either 1) he's still hoping for something with her or 2) in case the two of you don't work out, he'll still have her.

He hasn't healed from his break up with her, period. Your presence in his life is preventing him from dealing with the issues and truly healing because you *comfort* him and give him a distraction. He's not emotionally ready to be in another long-term committed relationship. The fact that he cheated on you, sends a loud confirmation of this statement.

Remaining in contact with her is also preventing him from dealing with the hurt of their break up and preventing him from healing and moving on with his life.

This may or may not be a REBOUND situation, but YOU are a 'transitional' person/relationship - a stepping stone to help him 'get over' her.

Don't you deserve better? I think you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: jmurphy41
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 1:56pm
I agree! I dont' think he's ready for another relationship yet - whether he realizes it or not. Sometimes you should follow your head and not your heart...and that goes for you and him!