cheated on my b/f w/ best g/f
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cheated on my b/f w/ best g/f
| Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:07pm |
wow! this is sort of long but it has to be. I need some advice badly. so i am a heterosexual 25 yr old female who is very much in love with my boyfriend. we have been together for almost a year now, although we did date off and on a couple of years ago. He is the love of my life and we plan on getting married someday. This month he found out he was the father of a one year old children. He was not given a chance to be in his life until now when he got a child support order and he took a dna test. That was shocker enough. 2 weeks after we get the results back from dna test there was a court date set. The mother of his child and him do not have an amicable past and from what his family and him say, she is not very stable. She used my boyfriend to get her pregnant b/c her husband can no longer have children. I stand by my boyfriend 100% with supporting this child. He is a very kind-hearted man and it hurts me very much that someone would keep his child from him. but that is merely a sidenote in my whole fiasco i call my life now. there...so on to MY MISTAKE. the night before we were to be in court a few of my gal pals wanted to take me out b/c they had missed my b-day. My b/f was working so i said sure. (side note:I used to have a slight drinking problem a couple of years ago. i would get sad and try to self-destruct. i was going out drinking 4-5 nights a week sometimes not knowing how i got home.) This particular night i started drinking and was having a great time. I haven't been out with just my gals in a while. well, one drink turned into 6 and i was sh**faced. I noticed my boyfriend was already off work so i needed to rush home. 2 friends and i were riding together-one girl and one boy. they were all over each other in the car. well, i get home and drunkenly apologize to my boyfriend for being late. he decides to ride to the store with my guy friend and I go to change into my pjs. well my g/f and i are chatting it up both drunk. I stumbled into my dark bedroom to find some sweatpants and took my blue jeans off. I had no panties on. well, my g/f comes up to me and i don't remember exactly what happened next but i landed on the bed and she was about to go down on me and my boyfriend comes in the door. i jump up and grab my pants. well, my b/f left w/o a word. my other friend is in the living room and i ask him what happened and he is clueless. my b/f came back and after a long night of crying on my part and screaming on his part i begged him to stay. the next morning *COURT DAY* we get up and he is still very angry (rightfully so). he tells me i can't go with him and that he won't be able to get over this. he keeps calling me a lesbian and i keep crying. i beg him until the last possible minute and he lets me go with him. court goes okay and we are both wore out emotionally as you can guess. well it is now 4 days later and my boyfriend is still here but i am very scared that he will leave me. i have only talked to my g/f for a few minutes and she keeps apologizing begging me not to hate her. i knew in the back of my mind that she was attracted to me but we had never discussed or acted on it. i don't know what to do. i am truly sorry and have no idea why i would hurt my boyfriend in this way. he is my life and i am so scared that he will never trust me again. can someone tell me how we can move past this? i need some serious advice and probably some counseling as well as my lover. i know this sounds like jerry springer. i have never cheated on anyone in my life and i cannot imagine my future without this wonderful man. he has been betrayed by every woman he has been with and i cannot believe that i would add any more heartache to his life. i am truly sorry for what i did, truly. i am crying now as i write this b/c i know i came very close to losing the love of my life. ??? i would appreciate any input.
