Cheated on my Boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2008
Cheated on my Boyfriend
2
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 2:42pm
I recently just cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years. We have two children together.
The thing is I didn't even want to do it. I just wanted the attention from the other person.
I felt like I wasn't getting the attention at home. The person I cheated on him with was there to talk and listen. But in the end all he wanted was to get into my pants.
I didn't want this.
Now I am currently single trying to talk with my boyfriend about working this out.
I know I need counseling for this and need someone to talk to. He is the only one I have to talk to about this. So he is being my counselor.
We both have come to realize that we took our relationship for granted. There are some changes each of us are going to make to try and mend our relationship.
Right now we are more on a friend level and from there we hope to progress back to being in a relationship. I feel ashamed of myself for what I have done. I didn't want to hurt him nor my family involved. I just really need to know what to do to help myself and how to mend my relationship with my "boyfriend". We both want to work this out and try and just bury this and start over.
If anyone can help me and give me some advice I would appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 5:16pm

Welcome to the board shannon1312,


Here's some reading material to consider. The two of you can read them together or separately.


Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore


Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 8:54am

People like you and your boyfriend who have years invested in a relationship, and children together, are often able to move past incidents like this and it looks like you're both doing the right thing by taking it slowly.

I know you feel ashamed of yourself, and it may help you to understand the reason why you did it, but no excuse is a good excuse.

"I know I need counseling for this and need someone to talk to. He is the only one I have to talk to about this. So he is being my counselor."
This is bad. You need someone unbiased to counsel you. A boyfriend is a boyfriend, he should not be your counselor. It's one thing to be open and honest with him, that's great, but to have him fill this role for you will probably end up badly. I really suggest you both go to counseling TOGETHER in order to make this relationship work - if you're both committed to making it work.

If you can get past this together, and help one another through it as equals, then your children will benefit from it.