Cheating friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Cheating friend
2
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 6:30pm
I don't really know where to begin this. About two years ago, I used to work in a bar/retaurant here in town and while I was there I made a good friend, Jamie*. I left that job to take one as a secretary in the company where Jamie's husband, Shawn, works. Not too long ago (three months maybe), I found out that Jamie has been seeing someone on the side. She met him at work (she took over my job as bartender). I haven't actually seen them do anything together, but other people (my mother, brother, fiance, co-worker) have. I have since distanced myself from Jamie because I am totally against infidelity. She is married, they have two children and she leaves him every Friday and Saturday night to go to "work" and does not get home until 3 or 4 a.m. I know for a fact she gets off work by 11:00 at the LATEST. I am so sickened by all of this and don't know what to do. I would love to tell Shawn. He is the sweetest person and would do absolutely ANYTHING for his wife. I think on some level he knows she is doing something, but he is in denial. Ordinarily, I would let fate take its course and do nothing, but I see Shawn everyday and it is tearing me up. The other women I work with also know the whole story (not because of me, we live in a small town and they found out on their own) and they want to rip Jamie's head off. They love Shawn and feel terrible for him. I am afraid if I tell him, he will work things out with Jamie and then both of them will hate me. I don't care what Jamie thinks of me, but I don't want Shawn to think I am a bad person. Should I keep my mouth shut or should I set up some way for Shawn to "accidentally" see for himself what is going on? (you know, take him to dinner where Jamie works or something) Thanks for any advice!

Jessica

*I changed the names

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: jess924
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 6:41pm
Two ideas:

1) tell Jamie if she doesn't come clean you are going to tell her husband

2) find out from Shawn if he would want to know (before telling him)

you are right getting involved is messy, because they could work it out and then hate you.

Good luck.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
In reply to: jess924
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 8:53am
Yes, I agree with itwinflame. I would approach your friend, and tell her how much of an awkward situation this has put you in, and then tell her to end it, or tell her husband, otherwise you will have no choice but to tell her husband as you feel as duplicitous as she is.