cheating police officer husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
cheating police officer husband
6
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 3:34pm
Hi all....I recently got a divorce from my cheating police officer husband...he was messing around with a girl he works with...she is quit a mess herself....we have met several times before I found out about the affair...these meeting were set up times for activities arranged by her and my husband...she was in a relationship herself, she has a violent temper and has had three abortions in the last 6 yrs..all of which she has informed my X that she didnt have. I having a hard time getting over this. They even at several times took my son out with them, he was 6 at the time. He is the one who told me about the affair. I guess I'm just wanting some feedback on rather you think he is capable of having a faithful relationship or not. I know his atmosphere as a cop doesnt help and the fact that his own father did this too probably could play a factor. I guess I'm just hoping that this messed up girl doesnt have to become a part of my son's life. They live together now and I know if she is capable of disrespecting herself, my child and our marriage I can't feel to safe with her around my child. That also goes along with the fact that she made a threat to him while argueing with me on the phone....she said she would mentally mess him up if she ever gets the chance. I really need some advice on this please......
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:33pm
Hi,

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. You asked if he is capable of having a faithful relationship or not. I doubt it. If he cheated on you with her, he will cheat on her with someone else. His being a cop doesn't help because they do pull over many women and I know a few who are notorious flirts. Not saying they are all that way but their opportunities are greater than most, especially since a lot of women like men in uniform.

You said ... 'I can't feel to safe with her around my child. That also goes along with the fact that she made a threat to him while argueing with me on the phone....she said she would mentally mess him up if she ever gets the chance.'

Who did she threaten to mess up if she got the chance... your ex or your son? If it's your son, I would do everything in my power to not allow her near your son in any way. Can you get legal advise? She sounds like a winner! Look at it this way, your ex-husband is one day going to regret the poor choices he made; I just hope that your son is not caught in the middle. I do wish you much luck. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:44pm
Go to court to get full custody of your child.

'guess I'm just wanting some feedback on rather you think he is capable of having a faithful relationship or not.'

Why are you asking this question? Do you want to know if he is going to be faithful to her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:26am
Lucy,

Thanks so much for your response. To answer your question, the threat was made about my son. I'm in a legal battle right now over this. So far the courts have been wonderful about protecting my son. She is not allowed around him at the present time. But my X has told me that he will marry her if he has too. He's such a control freak right now. So once he does that I'm sure I will have a whole new battle to start. But you can bet I will NEVER give up. He doesn't believe any thing that I have told him she has said. I hope he wakes up someday and see's her for what she really is and then can move on to a healthier relationship with someone who I can trust my son around. As far as me asking about his ability to be faithful, well I guess I just need to know he can't. It makes it much easier for me to realize that I'm much better off without him.

Many, Many thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:29am
I do have full legal and physical custody right now. But he has some visitation right's. Which he want's her involved in. They aren't married yet but I forsee him doing that just to get his way in court. And yes I'm asking that question for that reason. I guess I just need some hope that this woman won't be allowed in my son's life to do anymore damage than the two of them have already done. Thanks so much for responding.

Many thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:25pm
Absolutely you are better off without him. I've been there. My exhusband and I were actually officially divorced two months ago and he married the other one 10 days after our divorce was final. If she thinks that he will be faithful to her, she's delusional. He will never change. I am just fortunate that we didn't have any children together because even so, he still doesn't leave me alone. He was calling so much that I had to call the phone company to block his phone numbers from ringing my home phone. It's worth the extra $5 that the phone company is charging me per month. You said that you hope he wakes up someday and see's her for what she really is... you can bet that he will eventually find out. She can't hide her personality traits from him forever. I wish you the best; your son is very lucky to have a terrific mother. You hang in there. Lucy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:33am
Lucy,

I'm glad your doing so well. I can't thank you enough for responding to me. I sure hope your right. We have been divorced for several months now and we are still having our battles in court. We go on Monday for him wiretapping my phone lines and then sitting with her and listening to the tapes. This occurred right after I found out about the affair. She found them quite entertaining. And we still have another one for some contempt of court issues with our son. Will this ever stop. He doesn't call and bother me, although he's so angry all the time. He stays mad at me and the only thing I've done is fight back. Maybe he's mad at himself. OH WELL.

Again many many many thanks