cheating for sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
cheating for sex
2
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 6:23pm
I've read several of these articles which recommend that you take an introspective look at your own relationship to determine what is lacking before you go out and cheat.

However, my question is, what do you do if your partner is not interested? You can't force someone to have sex with you. And I know, you'll suggest talking it over with your partner, but guess what? That's already been done.

So what exactly is one to do? You love your spouse but are unable to attain that sexual satisfaction that was one of the reasons that drew the 2 of you together. You've discussed it with your spouse and indicated to him/her how you wish to get that level of intimacy back and how you tremendously enjoy having sex with him/her. But all this to no avail.

I was out a couple of weeks ago and came across someone who was quite interested and was not afraid to let me know this fact. The flirtation was refreshing as was the attention that I received.

About 2 weeks later, I ran into this person once again but this time he kissed me. After a few seconds, I realized what was happening and I pulled back because I am married, but the feeling I went home with was incredible. I used to feel this with my husband. I only wanted to feel that feeling with my husband. But the fact is that I don't, and its not for lack of effort on my part. We're in therapy, I've talked, I've pleaded, I've cried and I've tried (actively) to make him want me the way he used to.

I've been staying away from that place where I know I'll run into this other man. But the desire to go back is magnetic. Any suggestions?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dagmaral
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 7:22pm
If sex is essential to you, and you've told your partner that, and you've tried everything including counseling and it's still not working, then you get a divorce. Fix it or leave, don't cheat.

There's one exception to that rule and that's when the two of you discuss the issue and agree that it's ok to seek sex outside of the marriage. That's not for everyone, and not something that I personally would be comfortable with, but I understand it does work for some people.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: dagmaral
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 9:15pm
Go to marriage counseling. If he won't go then you decide whether you want to stay in a sexless marriage, have an open marriage or get out.