checked his email
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checked his email
| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 1:50pm |
I AM NEW TO THIS SITE LOOKING FOR ALL THE ADVISE I CAN GET ME AND MY BOYFRIEND HAVE BEEN WITH EACHOTHER FOR FOUR AND AHALF YEARS WE HAVE HAD OUR UP AND DOWNS LIKE EVERY RELATIONSHIPS BUT ON 8/27/04 I WENT INTO HIS EMAIL ACCOUNT WHICH I SHOULD HAVE NOT BUT I SEEN A EMAIL THAT HE HAD RESPONSED TO FROM A OLD GIRLFIREND FORM A LONG TIME AGO THE EMAIL HAD ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS LIFE IN GENERAL AND HE ASKED HER IF SHE WAS SEEING ANYONE AND THAT HE WAS NOT TRYING TO GET ALL INTO HER PERSONAL INFORMATION SO I GO HOME AND ASKED IF HE HAD TALKED TO ANYONE THE GIRL HAS HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER SO I WAS CURIOUS OF WHAT IS GOING ON HE STATES THAT OF COURSE IT WAS NOT HIM WE DO NOT HAVE A COMPUTER AT HOME AND THE EMAIL WAS SENT WHEN IT WAS AT HOME SO I AM SO CONFUSED DO I THINK THAT HE IS SEEING HER OR DO I LET IT GO PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE HIM WE HAVE A TWO YEAR DAUGHTER BY THE WAY I JUST NEED SOME ADVISE WHAT DO TO

In other words, are there other things that have been going on that you are not including or are you just naturally insecure?
As far as him constantly accusing you of cheating on him 24/7, that is a bigger problem. Either he doesn’t trust you because you have given him reason not to trust you (I’m not accusing you, just laying out all of the possibilities), or he is extremely insecure and is dumping his issues on you. Both are bad and destructive. I suppose it is also possible that he is cheating on you right and left and that he is projecting his bad behavior onto you and that is why he keeps accusing you of cheating. I was once in a relationship where this happened. But you didn’t give any indication that this could be going on.
I wouldn’t give the e-mail a second thought. But I would address the issue of him accusing you of constant cheating because this is going to destroy your relationship sooner or later, when you finally get tired of defending yourself against baseless accusations. This is not a healthy relationship at this moment.
Edited 8/30/2004 3:32 pm ET ET by jschaedler
I don't really understand the thing you wrote about 'the message being sent from home'. I'm not sure what that means.
But if there isn't anything else at all that you can see, I would forget about this. Or what you can do, is tell him very nicely that you just want him to know that you are perfectly fine with him choosing to remain friends with his ex and that you are totally comfortable with having her call the house. Whether or not he does it depends on how comfortable he is with it and whether or not he believes you when you say it is ok. If he senses that you are just saying that and don't mean it, then he definitely won't do it.
But, like I said, if there isn't anything else but this, then I wouldn't think about it anymore because there was absolutely nothing damaging in the e-mail. She didn't say anything like 'the other night was great' or 'when can you get away'. It sounded like a harmless e-mail. So enjoy planning your wedding!