Childfree & Mother-in-Law

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Childfree & Mother-in-Law
3
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 6:31am

I’ve been with Derek ever since we graduated from Business School 3 and half years ago. He’s a total sweetie, adores me and treats me like gold and we have a really amazing life together. We’ve been living together for 9 months now and he proposed to me last week. We were so happy than day and it all came crushing down when his mother found out the next day and in no uncertain terms told him not to expect her at our wedding because she couldn’t stand by and watch her son’s life be ruined by someone who places getting her hair & nails done and the latest fashions above giving her son the children he so desperately wants.


Derek knew from day one that I had no intention of ever having children and not only accepted it but promised me I was more than worth the sacrifice of fatherhood. The woman used to absolutely adore me and told me time and time again how she hoped we’d end up married until she brought up the topic of kids last year and I told her I had no intention of having any. Ever since that day she lashed out at me calling me a heartless spoiled brat and the only thing that’s

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 7:35am

ariannabella, I know this isn't your question, but... Did he grow up always wanting kids and then make the sacrifice of fatherhood just because of you? Is he an only child?

I don't agree with his mother's resentment or nasty remarks but if at one point he told her he wanted to have kids and then you said you weren't going to, I can understand her disappointment.

Regardless I think it's up to your boyfriend to set her straight and tell her that she needs to treat you with respect and not be nasty to you. He's done that, which is wonderful, he really stood up for you and now you have to see what happens. The only way you can make her see that you love him, or explain to her that you're going to be a good wife, is to show her over time. These things are not immediate. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding, whether or not she is there - that is her choice!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 12:43pm

Clearly she feels that not having children takes away a large aspect of life from her son - the opportunity to be a father, to learn and grow in that way and also for her to have grandchildren. Seems as though she feels the decision is unnatural and as you said, selfish. I don't know how you can turn her views around. It seems as if this is a very important and sensitive area to her. Really, it's between her and her son now, to sit down and talk it all out in a very clear and forthright manner. Encourage him to do so, but the choice of how to respond to all this is up to him.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 6:30pm

Well I'm going to disagree with everyone here and say that to me, it sounds like his mother couldn't give a flying arse about her son being a father.


This is about HER not getting to be a granny.


She sounds like a selfish, stuck up piece of work and I wouldn't waste anothe ounce of your energy on worrying about her.


Your man is a man, he's made his decision and your it.