It is not her business. She should not get involved in any way. Unless her coworker is making the work environment difficult by mentioning the affair openly, in which case talking to HR is the only other reasonable option, your friend needs to learn how to ignore it. This is not her problem to stick her nose into. I do not agree that a spouse should find out about a cheating husband from his coworker, and if your friend said something, she would be the one creating a hostile work environment. I understand wanting to do what is right, but she is in no way "supporting" this affair by minding her own business. She needs to ignore it and focus on work, not judging other peoples' problems.
I agree that his wife should know about it BUT your friend should not be the one to tell her. Usually these things always come out in the end. My guess is that his wife will find out eventually. Now if she was a good friend of his wife it would be different. This will just cause a lot of trouble at work if he finds out that SHE was the one that revealed his affair.
He will slip up eventually. People in affairs tend to get careless when they assume their getting away with it. So unless he is being extremely careful not to get caught, he will. Many people start acting different at home when their having an affair. She will probably get suspicious and find out by seeing OW no. on the cell phone bill or seeing an e-mail to her.
"I don't think it's easy to dismiss as "not her business"" No it's not easy, but that doesn't make it any less true. The right path is usually the more difficult one. I agree that if he's flaunting it at work then it's only a matter of time before it comes out. The workplace is not a good location for championing for justice in society, as keeping your job is important, and it's easy to create an even more negative atmosphere by being unable to ignore people who are inevitably annoying. Is it my first instinct to correct something that is wrong? Well "right" and "wrong" are subjective so no. My first instinct is to try to stop caring because it really is a choice to be affected by someone or not. I understand that she is bothered, that is human nature. But work is a place where instinct and human nature come second to being productive and earning your salary. I'm taking a break for lunch to write this by the way, just in case you were curious... LOL
The wife will find out. It's possible she already knows. This affair doesn't hinge entirely on your friend, if she were personally involved with either one of them outside of the workplace then I'd say it's a different story, but by exposing this affair any more than this guy already has, it would create some very serious negative consequences for your friend and I don't think it's worth it, personally.
Pages
Edited 2/11/2009 8:32 pm ET by peaceyma
Welcome to the board,
This is just a co-worker so I don't think she has a right to say anything.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board rennyroo,
Is your friend friends with the person having an affair? Has she met the spouse?
Your friend needs to stay out of it. If the situation offends her, then she needs to say that she does not want to hear about it.
Going to the boss or HR will not achieve anything. Going to the spouse will only serve to alienate her in the workplace.
Thank you for all of your opinions.
"I don't think it's easy to dismiss as "not her business""
No it's not easy, but that doesn't make it any less true. The right path is usually the more difficult one. I agree that if he's flaunting it at work then it's only a matter of time before it comes out. The workplace is not a good location for championing for justice in society, as keeping your job is important, and it's easy to create an even more negative atmosphere by being unable to ignore people who are inevitably annoying. Is it my first instinct to correct something that is wrong? Well "right" and "wrong" are subjective so no. My first instinct is to try to stop caring because it really is a choice to be affected by someone or not. I understand that she is bothered, that is human nature. But work is a place where instinct and human nature come second to being productive and earning your salary. I'm taking a break for lunch to write this by the way, just in case you were curious... LOL
The wife will find out. It's possible she already knows. This affair doesn't hinge entirely on your friend, if she were personally involved with either one of them outside of the workplace then I'd say it's a different story, but by exposing this affair any more than this guy already has, it would create some very serious negative consequences for your friend and I don't think it's worth it, personally.
Pages