Cohabitation Dilemma - Want to move out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Cohabitation Dilemma - Want to move out
4
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:46pm
I have never posted to a message board before but I am in desperate need of impartial advice and experiences of others who may or may have been be in a similar situation. Here goes: I have been involved with my SO for close to five years. He is a wonderful person who is loving, caring, considerate,etc. I moved out of my house in the city and in with him in the suburbs to avoid a long commute (which I hate) which I know was the wrong reason. We've been living together for almost a year and I hate suburban living and want to move back to my house in the city near my friends and very active social life(my SO does not like to socialize much and enjoys staying in). I've tried to adjust my lifestyle to the more mellow surburban way of life but it's not working for me and I expressed an interest in going out in my city more which he understood, though my late nights have created some strife. We have always had a great relationship but I feel our relationship has gotten very stagnant since I moved in. He says I appear distant and that I don't seem interested in talking to him anymore. Since he travels for work and we are both independent we were never the type of couple to have to see each other all the time or talk everyday. Of course now since we are in the same house that dynamic has changed. I feel we were a much better couple when we lived apart and that we had more fun together. We at one time had discussed moving to an alternate location that is more amenable for me but since we have been cohabitating our differences have become more apparent(e.g spending habits, sleeping habits, social habits) so I'm beginning to rethink that. I have expressed an interest in moving back to my house and he didn't seem to pleased about it. Just so you know we are both in our late 30s and he has been married before and is a little gun-shy but not adverse to remarrying and I have never been married and neither of us wants kids. At one-time I believed this guy was the man I would marry but have had reservations about it since we have been living together. I love him very much but really wish to live by myself again. Any advice on how to delicately explain my desire to move out and maintain this relationship? Sorry this is so long I am trying to pain a complete picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board staind_princess,


You just need to sit him down and explain things to him like you explained them to us. He will probably want to know if you want to end the relationship so be prepared with an answer for that. These things are never easy. I wish you the best of luck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 9:37am
Thank you so much for your warm welcome and advice. Though I've broached the subject before I think I will have to really sit down and talk to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:28pm

Isn't this the whole reason so many people put forth when the cohabitation before marriage discussion is on the table, to "find out" if the couple who makes a great dating couple would not

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:38pm

i'm with the cl...leave him now.

are you in the relationship or out? really, you are breaking up the relatioship by moving out. why not just call a spade a spade and do it like the relationship experts here say?