Cold Feet???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011
Cold Feet???
8
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 5:20am

I have been dating a guy for around 7 months. He is divorced with 4 children. In the very beginning he seemed quite smitten, and told me he loved me in a few weeks time. He even

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 8:31am

Its not ' cold feet ' . He has lost interest in you and the relationship with you. Sorry , but true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 9:38am

I hate to say it but your situation is very, very common. A man comes on very strong and promises you the moon, because he is desperate to be loved. Then he begins backing out of his promises and starts becoming distant as the relationship becomes more solid and more real.

This is the beginning of the end. I'm sorry. I know you think he's "just not that into you" and you may be right but he's a confused, scarred person who isn't ready for a deep connection with a woman. He and millions of other men like him who have done this to countless women on the boards here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 10:23am

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:03pm
Honestly, I think it went far to quickly in the beginning. It sounds like a rebound relationship. I know you feel like you've hit a jackpot, but it went too quickly. Then as expected (usually 4 months in) when the gaga stage wears off with this 'quick to light' relationships, reality sets in and he realizes that what his true feelings are. Before it was a rush, emotional buzz, cloud 9 - but things didn't go slow enough.

He also may have a tendency to rescue women which in turn makes him feel valuable for a short while. A healthy relationship isn't usually about one rescuing the other. Sets the ground for codependency.

I'm sorry sweetmel. If I were you, I'd reassess everything. I hope he gets into some counseling just for his own emotional well being.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:08pm
At the very least, take a step back and encourage him to go back into counseling. Either the relationship will continue to fade, or he will figure out his insecurities.

I do agree with the others, 7 months is not a long enough time to get to know eachother.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 6:35pm

Thanks for the honest answers. I just don't know what to think. What confuses me is that we are both Christians and chose to wait for marriage for sex, and so it's not like for 7 months he was using me. If anything, he has done more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 10:07am

Using you?? Of course he's not using you. Why do women always think that if a relationship doesn't work out, a man must have "used" her? That is silly. It's also silly to think that men only use women for sex. Men want love and companionship and friendship as much as women do. Sorry maybe that's more of a rant than you wanted to hear :) But it's important to realize that men are not out to "use" women... Nor are they always out to get sex only.

It's okay to be wrong sometimes. Gut instincts are not always right (except when something DOESN'T feel right, then your gut instinct is always correct!). There is no reason to be angry with yourself. I agree that making a clean break will save you the trouble of dragging this relationship out longer, and that is a huge red flag about why his wife left.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 11:54am

I agree with Crab. There is no evidence of being used. It is simply a relationship that did not work out. There is no trial period that once you past it, your relationship is home free. You just got to the point where he became more of the person that he truly is, and its only now that you can see it isn't going to work for you. I don't think there is any deliberate deception going on. We all make mistakes and really I hesitate to call it a mistake. You made some decisions with the best info you had at the time and there was no way to know what would happen.