Cold feet??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Cold feet??
7
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 12:53pm
I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 1:40pm

Welcome to the board bmarcusangel,


First, seriously, you need to end contact with the guy on the internet..... that is not going to help anything. If your soon-to-be-husband was talking to a girl online, how would you feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 1:49pm

Welcome to the board bmarcusangel,


I agree with Carrie. End contact with the other guy. It is only making you feel closer to him and further away from your fiance. Do you think there is something this other guy is giving you that your fiance isn't?


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 3:07pm
I will check out those books.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 3:09pm
The only thing that I can think of is that I don't necessarily feel desirable anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 3:49pm
If you let the other guy know that your contact with him is hurting your relationship he should be understanding. At least, if he really cared for you he would understand.
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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 3:50pm

Some people cannot allow themselves to have true happiness and just before something truly meaningful happens, they sabotage it or sabotage themselves. They feel they do not deserve happiness.


Looking around for others, flirting with someone online, is a form of sabotage both of yourself and the relationship. Perhaps you feel you will be trapped now in a marriage? Perhaps you feel badly about losing freedom? These are natural feelings. But you do not have to act upon them, unless you truly do not want to move foward with your fiancee.


If I were you, I'd go see a well trained professional counselor or therapist and find out what's going on inside. Marriage is a big step, a real committment and it takes readiness and the ability to give up certain things as well. Get more clarity about your situation. If you don't want to get married that's one thing. You should decide that on its own, but to flirt with others as a way of getting out of it, is using the back door. It won't do any good, just bring upset and confusion to your life. Do one thing at a time. Become clear about the marriage. If you don't want it, then make a clear decision. When one relationship is over is the time to go for the next.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: bmarcusangel
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 5:44pm

I totally agree with Dr Shoshanna; you are clearly trying to sabotage the relationship - subconsciously. Somewhere in your head you don't want it to work and you want to see what kind of options you have with other men. I can understand where you're coming from; marriage is kind of a scary commitment but it's not fair to be talking to other men for this kind of attention.

I think if you attend some premarital counseling with your fiancée (I recommend this to EVERYONE getting married) you will be surprised at how quickly you learn what you want from a relationship and marriage with him.