college relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
college relationships
3
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:43pm

Ok well im not married or have kids im 20 years old and a plan to go to edical school in the near future. I joined a fraternity my freshman year and have met various women in the past 3 years ive been in college. Over the summer, i realized living on my own, that i eventually want to be married and have a prosperous family whenever that time may be. I believe that before i marry i want to date at least 4 or 5 years before i get married. So i pondered on the thought of marriage and figured i would like to start dating now. i believe ive had my fun in the greek life and ive been using it to my advantage up to now. I meet new and exciting girls every weekend and a lot of them im not really sure about. But during the summer i met a girl who meets all the charcteristics that i thrive on. I begin talking to her and continue talking to her now but we have told eachother that weve fallen for eachother but im not sure if she really means it. Shes really great in a lot of ways but the only thing is is she goes to another college which i have no problem with at all and she isnt in a greek organization so i think thats even better. (no offense to sorority). But i remember her always telling me that shes always had trouble with commitment and when she told me that i thought maybe it was just an easy way to let me down. So i asked her and she got mad and said no! shes just had a hard time with relationships. So i dont know if im barking up the wrong tree or if im on the right track. I need help and if i need to put more info up just let me know what info exactly.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 11:02am

Well, if she's had a hard time with relationships in the past, it's possible that this pattern will continue in the future. As we get to know someone, we find out all about them. If you go slow, are respectful and loving, and become someone she can trust, it's possible this work can work out okay. When you get a chance, ask her, (in a calm way), to tell you about what went wrong before. See if she has understanding about it. See if the two of you can work together to remedy the problems, whatever they were. Sometimes relationship problems are deep, originate from childhood, and need professional care. Other times people can get through them when they are willing to honsetly and openly talk to each other, listen, respect each other, and make certain adjustments in the relationship which create comfort and security.


Give this a try and see how it goes, as she seems to be meaningful to you. Do it with your eyes open though - do it with awareness and plenty of communcation.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 11:43am

Welcome to the board kleeper18,


Give her some time before you give up on her. It is possible that she had just been with the wrong guys before and that is why her relationships didn't work. If they had worked, she wouldn't be available for you to date.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 1:28pm

hey kleeper.


i'm actually in the beginning of