College woes........please help.
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| Sun, 03-11-2007 - 4:37pm |
Currently I am attending my local community college and my fiance is going to start a much larger University starting this Fall. He was accepted into the Honors program (being the valedictorian of his graduating class, and achieving a 35 ACT score). I am so proud of him I can't stand it!
The problem is that we WERE going to get married the summer before he went off to college, but things changed and we decided that getting married now would not be possible because of {mainly} financial issues (although it was more of him worrying about the money, I'd still get married this summer in a heartbeat). He is receiving a full tuition scholarship, including his housing, food, books, EVERYTHING. I really am happy for him, but as each day goes by, I can't help but think he is going to move off without me in just a few short months. It's only about an hour and a half away, but I believe it's going to be a major strain on our relationship. We see each other about 4-5 days a week now, for about 4 hours each, and I know when he moves that it is all going to change. I'll have my college classes here, and he'll have his college classes there and then we'll both work and I know we'll never be able to see each other. There's not one day that goes by that I don't cry worrying about it. Everytime I see him or hug him I just can't stop thinking that he's moving off without me. I talked to him about my concerns, but I don't think he realizing just how bad it's going to be. We decided to get married next summer (May 2008) after I graduate from my college and I am moving to the city with him, but until then, I don't know how I'm going to make it.
His solution to everything is "find a hobby" blah blah blah, like keeping myself busy is the way to solve our problems....to keep me busy is how I interpret it, but he says he just wants me to be happy. This scholarship is a GREAT opportunity for him and I couldn't be prouder, but I cannot stand the thought of seeing him possibly 1 day a week if that........I don't know what to do. I keep talking to him about it, but as I said, I don't think he realizes the extent of our busy schedules. I could not live without him. And I'd rather not hear "long distant relationships don't work" blah blah.......I've been with this man forever and breaking it off would never be an option. We're not just a couple of stupid young teenagers making a mistake. We have our whole life planned out basically, except for the year when he starts school, to when we get married. It sounds like I am completely crazy about him, and I am lol, but he is sad about leaving me too, but we both know this opportunity is way too amazing to pass up, and honestly I think he doesn't show his concerns is b/c he kind of blocks it out and pretends like everything will be okay, and maybe it will.........I don't know. He assures me he will do everything he can to see me as much as he can, but how can that be with both our schedules. Everyone says to just "tough it out", but I am miserable, it's interfering with my work and my school. I honestly thought about quitting school b/c the thought of the sadness I am going to feel without him is proving to be unbearable. And also, please don't reccommend me to a psychiatrist, lol, I can't afford it, I'm not crazy.....I'm just madly in love.
It won't be until Aug. 2007 when he leaves, but what am I supposed to do without him until May 2008? I sound completely needy, I realize this as I'm typing this, but I can't go on being so completely depressed constantly because of this. I just don't know what to do, I cry everytime I see him, everynight I lay in my bed thinking about it.......and.....I feel helpless.

I understand where you're at. When I have a partner, I want to be able to SEE them regularly. Anything less is not acceptable to me. Yes, hobbies are nice, but they don't take the place of companionship.
I'm also not a believer in long distance relationships, however, my attitude is not to end it. Instead, if you're really serious about a future together I believe moving is a better option.
As his college degree is a scholarship, obviosly he has to go...but is there any reason you can't go too? Find a new job and a community college program where he's going to be living?
Hi glitter_baby,
Having had more than one long distance relationship (and currently being in one myself), I think you should do what is best for YOU, not what you think will keep your boyfriend in your life. If you think that you could be happy in the city where your boyfriend is whether or NOT you are in a relationship with him, then I think you could consider moving to be with him, if it is plausible for you. Otherwise, what would happen if you picked up your life and moved it for him, and the relationship didn't work out? You'd have changed your whole life for him. I know you feel very strongly about him and you say you've been together for a long time, but you didn't mention an engagement or a ring -- TALKING about marriage doesn't mean you're definitely getting married. College is usually the time that people learn a lot about themselves and change as people, and there is unfortunately a possibility that in learning more about himself he could decide he wants different things in a relationship than what he has now. I know you love him a lot, and long distance relationships CAN work out -- if both partners are willing to put forward equal effort, AND if you keep in mind that the distance is for a foreseeable amount of time. You CAN make it through 10 months! :-) After you graduate, if you feel there is opportunity in the city for YOU, then moving there is a good option.
Please don't misunderstand me, I KNOW what its like to worry about your relationship going down the drain because of distance, worrying that he'll meet other people if you're not there or that you won't be connected and you have your whole future planned. But those sorts of things could happen with you standing by his side. A lot of times, in the "real" world, having things go the way you planned just isn't possible. You both have a lot waiting for you in life, I would hate to see you give that up and then have to start over! I have found that keeping in contact every day, sending love notes or e-mails, and doing new and exciting things when you're together help keep that passion and connection alive even when you don't see each other much. Perhaps, him going to school in a different area will give you a chance to make new friends, discover new interests, and grow as your own person. Its hard, but you can do it! And if he's really someone who you can spend your life with, he will be willing to put in the same effort that you are.
Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted. :-)
Actually we are engaged. Since October of 2006, with a beautiful marquise diamond I might add lol. I mean, I WILL be moving to the city with him after the 10 months, it's just how to handle his constant absence in the meantime that worries me. I don't think he's going to leave me or anything and he feels the same way. It's just the time apart, that's all.
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