Commitment

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Commitment
3
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:27am
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years, and we have had such a happy relationship. We have talked about marriage for quite a while. The problem is his mother. She keeps filling him with "advice" (She is a very strange woman, and many people feel that she is "different"...). He won't make a decision based on what he feels is right and what his heart tells him. He is making a decision on whether to get engaged this summer based on the things his mother has told him. I just want him to listen to his heart, and I am sick and tired of his mother messing with our relationship. How should I go about helping him to listen to his heart and to make his own decisions for the happiness of himself and for the sake of our relationship??
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jellybean42504
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 9:33am

Well, this is a stage in growth and development, where an individual is able to break free from parental influence, and learn to trust themselves and stand on their own two feet. This includes being able to create appropriate boundaries between himself and his mother. It isn't really something you can help him with. If he can't do it, he needs some professional help in realizing that this is even a problem and how to handle it. My guess is that he is now aware of how this is impacting on you. Let him know. Tell him you think it would benefit him to work with someone on his relationship with his mother, so he can have more independence in his life and be free to do what his own heart and mind lead him to. If he isn't willing to recognize the need for this, then I would take a few steps back and look once again at the situation. It sounds as though this mother will then be a constant third party in your life. Do you want that? You may be marrying both of them.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: jellybean42504
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:41pm

Welcome to the board jellybean42504,


He has to want to assert himself and his feelings to his mother. He may not be able or ready to do that yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: jellybean42504
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 3:20pm

'I am sick and tired of his mother messing with our relationship. '


Do you expect this will change or he will change?