Commitment issues!! x

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Commitment issues!! x
10
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 7:02am

Hellooo... I will try and keep this short and sweet!!

Basically I have been seeing this man for around 5 months, It started out very casual as he had recently split up from his girlfriend of 7 years and he was a mess. I would be the one he would talk to about everything...

Over the past few months we have grown really close, he will stay over most weekends, come to my house for a brew in the week and we speak to each other every day on the telephone!!! My problem is... he still has so many issues from his past relationship he wont commit to me... he says things like.. " I promised myself i will never get hurt again.. im not ready" " I cant bare to commit again incase i get hurt" " iv got feelings for you but im scared of them and i wish i didnt have them"

Your probably thinking run away.. but we get on sooo well and he tells me he feels it too... Can I have some advice please? if we carry on like this will he eventually give in when we have become even closer?

Thanks x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 7:07am

Hi Pinky, yes, he might change if you wait long enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 7:44am

Hello, Thankyou for your reply...

Yes i understand what you are saying.. i suppose because i have been single for a while now his company is better than no company at all and its really hard to let go...

However thinking about what you have jus said upsets me because I may have wasted several months helping him through his past and being a distraction for him, for him to then just walk away with someone else!! x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 8:40am
How is it a waste of time to help someone who is in pain? I agree that this is probably a rebound relationship, but you have enjoyed being with him. If he is not ready for a serious relationship and you are, then it's time to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 9:18am
Well yes when you put it like that.. And im happy i have helped in a way... However on a selfish nowt he shudnt have taken it sooo far if he was never going to commit? x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 10:02am

When you catch a guy on the rebound, you get what you got......a guy that just got burned, and he's not going to do it again.

There is no "committment issue".......because it's a non-issue for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 11:36am
Thanks for your advice.. I suppose your right it is my problem and im the one wanting more... and im guessing the reason he still carries on with me is because im letting him?
I wasnt hoping for a massive gesture just to no things may more foward that was all x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 1:51pm

You answered your own question.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 4:12pm

A good rule of thumb is not to get involved with anyone who is going through a breakup, already in a relationship or just out of a relationship.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 09-22-2011 - 1:47pm

As others have said, you started off with him way too soon after he just finished with a 7 year relationship. If all you wanted was the casual hookups then fine, everyone's happy. If you wanted more, then you were expecting too much. A man go on for a very long time in a casual setting and never , ever, feel the need to elevate it to the next level. This is much harder for women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2011
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 8:32am

I think you should talk to him about it.