commitment phobia

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2007
commitment phobia
2
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:30pm

Hi,


I'm currently in a relationship break. I posted about it on other threads but I have a different question now. Everything felt very good with my bf except we had a bit of communication problems like he would not reveal a lot about himself and I did not dare ask some questions that were important to me. We got close very quickly and after 3 months he did the sudden breakup thing. When he broke up, we finally spoke of things we should have spoken about a long time ago. I realized he got really hurt in his previous relationship, but it has been over since about a year. I felt we both had something very genuine and was shocked although I had felt him more distant that week. I kept myself busy for a few days but I couldn't stand it after sometime and that's when I asked what was wrong (and that's when he dumped). After the dump, he wrote to me about his reasons and from a logical point of view, they were really not big deals. I replied to his email, explaining my point of view but not asking anything from him, no questions, no coming back together. He ended up replying with "I'd like to think for a few days" and was very respectful about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: em450
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:54pm

Welcome to this board em450,


Here's your previous post from the Break up board - Dumped and confused


If he was being honest with you in the reasons he gave you, you could share your insight with him when the time comes, but be prepared for him to see it differently than you do.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: em450
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 9:31pm

Someone doesn't "get" commitmentphobia from a prior relationship--it's something that exists inside of them--a deep seated fear of being involved in a committed intimate relationship.


Now, it's possible (actually, likely, I'd say, from your previous posts) he's not OVER his ex--but that's a completely different issue.


If he's open to trying again, sure you can suggest couples counseling but that only helps couples relate to each other, it does nothing to solve your individual issues.