commitment scare?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
commitment scare?
4
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 8:11pm

So, the love of my life any myself have been living in a one bedroom apartment for about four months now. We've been together for about a year and a half. We've basically grown up together.

For the past couple days I have been walking around like a zombie because a huge weight is on my heart. He told me he's not sure what he wants. He thinks that living here with me is not the best thing for him right now and he's scared of the future. He is thinking about moving out and living on his own while keeping our relationship going. He's has said a lot that it is not our relationship its that he isn't ready for this.

I just don't know what to do. I am completely lost and alone. I don't want to take a step backward in our relationship after we've come so far. I need some words of wisdom to help me get through this and to help me help him. He's in a worse state than I am and he is so confused with what to do.

Help.




Edited 6/28/2008 8:14 pm ET by ssssarahj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 8:44pm
Need more information, Sarah.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 9:00pm

hmm. background info.

ok> Well he absolutely hates his job. For the past while all he's been doing is coming home from work and staying up all night playing halo or watching movies. He'll then sleep all day and our schedules will never work together. This is normal for him, but has been more frequent since he's come back form tour with his band. They went out for almost two weeks and I feel like this has put this into his head. I also think he thinks that I am more grown up than he is, I have 2 jobs and am in school full time. This is hard because he dropped out of college to do the music thing, and I fully support him in that, however his parents don't.

Also, where he used to live he's been with his best friends for 3 years and was so easy just to walk into their rooms to hang out. Now that he's moved, he has to make an effort to hang out, and he hasn't been. He just hangs out with people from work who he plays halo with. I can see how he could be unhappy with his life.

I just want him to be happy with everything again and I want to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:37pm

Welcome to the board ssssarahj,


I can understand that you want to help him, but unless he wants help there isn't much you can do.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 9:33pm

There is nothing wrong with given someone room to grow and to sort out their feelings. The two of you are young and clearly he doesn't feel ready to live together at this time. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, or is rejecting you. It may feel like a step back in the relationship, but perhaps you've taken steps forward too quickly. It takes time