Committed but not official?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Committed but not official?
2
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 1:26am
I don't know what to do. Before I left to Los Angeles for a month for school, my "significant other" decided to ask me out, even though he had said before he had doubts about making it official. We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend for two nice weeks until he begins to be really weird. He stops calling as usual and suddenly is too busy to call. We have a big argument and he says he wants to go back to "just talking". I let him have what he wants and tell him that since we're going back to "talking" he can meet and talk to other people and he doesn't have the obligation to call everyday. He then says he doesn't want to talk to other people and personally he's gonna stay loyal to me. He says he just feels as if we really aren't going out since he can't see me and all he can get is a phone call and that because we fight so much, he's unsure about going out. I tell him that maybe we should just end it since he's unsure but he claims seeing me once I get back will make things better. I've come back and he still wants to "just talk", however I told him that even when we made it official, it didn't seem any different than when we were just talking. He says "why does it have to be official?" and I ask "why can't it be?" and he says "im sorry, I just can't have a girlfriend, I want to be with you but I can't have a girlfriend" I tell him whats the point of even talking if that leads to being boyfriend and girlfriend and he doesn't want to be that and he claims that in talking to me, he'll want to go out again. I don't know what exactly are his intentions. I've thought maybe he wants to talk to other people but everytime I've asked if he wants to or if theres someone else I'd understand and we should just end it but everytime he says he's committed to me and there's no one else. He swears there's been no one else he's been interested in or has done anything with while me being gone but I don't understand why he wants to be committed but just can't be a boyfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 8:01am
It just means there's no one else he's as interested in right now (and doesn't want you to date anyone else) but he doesn't want any kind of REAL commitment in any form. I think he's being straightforward with you. He doesn't even want to "date" you, he's just "talking" to you. At this point I'd stop giving a crap what he wants, and start explaining what *I* want. If what he is going for doesn't match your wants/needs, move on. No matter how much you like him. This guy isn't interested in being your "boyfriend" and that's kind of silly. I think you should explain to him that you are still open to dating other people if you're not in a relationship and if he doesn't like it, tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 12:25am

Welcome to the board lalagirl2008,


He's not willing to give you the kind of relationship you want or need. I hope you don't settle for crumbs.


Reading material to consider:


Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs by Nailah Shami





angels