communication

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
communication
5
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:49am
I am in a serious relationship. We have been together almost 2 yrs. He is a very depressed person. He will not talk about things until its almost too late or hes already at the point of break down. I want to know the best way to slowly get him to open up. i have already expressed my concern with him. That I am here for him and I won't judge him. He said that when he did see a psychiatrist he didn't really ever open up to him either. He says that it makes him feel worse to open up and tell what hes feeling. i don't believe that because if you keep things bottled up then it explodes! I need a really creative way to get him to talk to me and him not even realize hes opening up. I don't really even know whats caused him to become depressed. I really just want to help us and our relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: merrie2580
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 4:09am

I know you mean well, but this is not your place in a relationship. Besides, if he won't open up to professional help, he's never going to open up to you.

In short, he has major issues. You've got to accept him how he is or move on. But you can't help him...he has to help himself.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
In reply to: merrie2580
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:00pm

There isn't a single thing YOU can do about his depression. He needs to be proactive to help himself. Your relationship will continue to suffer until he finds the help he needs and you may need to resolve yourself to the fact that he isn't in any shape to have a healthy relationship with anyone right now.

Don't get caught up in "saving" him. It isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and will only break your heart in the end. He needs to find what works for him....meds/counseling etc...and pursue that himself.

i wish you luck because you really are going to need it.

Frani

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
In reply to: merrie2580
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 7:56am
Thanks for the advice. I can't say that I will use it! I honestly don't know for sure if he's actually depressed or if he just wants things his way. Because he will say things like I have been done this way before and I can't handle it especially if I am standing up for what I want. Its always an issue if he don't like what it is I am doing or saying. I know hes had some bad relationships but I think he was the main reason he can't hold one down. He has gotten to where he never wants to see my point of view. Evrytime we have a fight he usually, not always but most of the time, starts it and makes it out to be me. I can't want to change him I want him to see that its not fair to have things his way or no way. He says he has a fear of being alone yet he will say things like its over I am leaving almost once a week. I know that the more we fight the worse it will get but something has to give. Hes agreed to couples counsiling I know that the doctor would really get on him and he wouldn't go anymore. I'd like to try it to see if it would help. I won't give up on him. If there really is depression I want to help him. I think actually I am looking for advice on how to be stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: merrie2580
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:31am

This relationship sounds way too stressful. He is manipulating you and giving you guilt to get his own way, and you say it has escalated to the point that he now does it all the time. Surely you can see that this means he thinks your wishes and opinions aren't worth very much, and there is no reason to anticipate that things will get better.

How willing are you to put up with a lifetime of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: merrie2580
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 1:12pm
i'm with everyone else. you do not need a lifetime of this. there is nothing you can do to help him. i suggest you get counseling to help you through this difficult time and help you to see there is a better life for you out there WITHOUT HIM IN IT.