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communication
| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:49am |
I am in a serious relationship. We have been together almost 2 yrs. He is a very depressed person. He will not talk about things until its almost too late or hes already at the point of break down. I want to know the best way to slowly get him to open up. i have already expressed my concern with him. That I am here for him and I won't judge him. He said that when he did see a psychiatrist he didn't really ever open up to him either. He says that it makes him feel worse to open up and tell what hes feeling. i don't believe that because if you keep things bottled up then it explodes! I need a really creative way to get him to talk to me and him not even realize hes opening up. I don't really even know whats caused him to become depressed. I really just want to help us and our relationship.

I know you mean well, but this is not your place in a relationship. Besides, if he won't open up to professional help, he's never going to open up to you.
In short, he has major issues. You've got to accept him how he is or move on. But you can't help him...he has to help himself.
There isn't a single thing YOU can do about his depression. He needs to be proactive to help himself. Your relationship will continue to suffer until he finds the help he needs and you may need to resolve yourself to the fact that he isn't in any shape to have a healthy relationship with anyone right now.
Don't get caught up in "saving" him. It isn't conducive to a healthy relationship and will only break your heart in the end. He needs to find what works for him....meds/counseling etc...and pursue that himself.
i wish you luck because you really are going to need it.
Frani
This relationship sounds way too stressful. He is manipulating you and giving you guilt to get his own way, and you say it has escalated to the point that he now does it all the time. Surely you can see that this means he thinks your wishes and opinions aren't worth very much, and there is no reason to anticipate that things will get better.
How willing are you to put up with a lifetime of this?