communication problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
communication problem
7
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 4:56am

Hi everyone, I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 1:25pm

Hi, Sunny!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 2:29pm

You are right, we are not married for long and we only dated long distance for one year before we got married. I think that he just craves being with his friends alone which I totally respect and I understand. But there were times when he asked me to go somewhere with him and his friends and I would say that he should go alone and he would pressure me into going. And now suddenly it is a problem.It is just confusing. Maybe he feels obligated to invite me when he would really go alone. I just wish he could be honest.

I know that I need to speak to him about this and I am just waiting for the right moment. I am still upset and I really do not want to start another argument. We are going to Paris on friday so I hope that we can work this out before then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 2:40pm

Your first paragraph says it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 2:51pm

You are absolutely right, we are both assuming a lot and that's why we need to fix this.

About this part "but it seems like he feels he HAS to ask you or you'd be mad" -

maybe that is how he feels but he never told me and I never gave him a reason to think that. Not ever once did I get mad at him for not inviting me somewhere. I actually like being alone sometimes, it's relaxing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 3:06pm

I understand what you're saying........HE does not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 3:21pm

You have a good point about the language barrier and maybe that's the problem. I mean we understand each other, he speaks English but not perfect and I speak Italian but also not perfect. So this could be the problem in him understanding and/or misinterpreting what I tell him.

In regards to going to a therapist, where we live (small town up in the Alpes) there just isn't any and it is not a norm to do. He considers it as something to be ashamed of. However, even though he is not very religious, he likes going to a local priest for advice and consultation. I am considering going with him. Thank you for your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 3:23am

Update: this morning he asked me if I was angry and told him that I am not angry but I think we need to be more direct and honest about what's on our mind in order to avoid future incidents like this. He asked me to have breakfast together and then told me that he will in future tell me what he wants rather then keeping it inside because then he takes it out on me and I am don't even know why. So I hope he does that and I will also try not to assume what he wants. We are going to spend some time together today and go for a bike ride.