comparing myself to others

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
comparing myself to others
1
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 4:55am
My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 4 years - thier is no ring on my finger - are relationship is great - but we don't even live together. He is buying a home soon and the plan is for me to move later on once he is settled ( with in two months). But I am truing 30 next month and I am comparing myself to everyone else I know - they are either on the second house, engaged, married, babies - why not me - I feel like thier is something wrong with me even though my relationship is great. I feel like a loser - people tell me that the envy my life etcc. but I feel like a fraud because inside I just want the 2.5 kids and a dog and to be a Mrs. My boyfriend is the one for me - I just know it - we are two peas in a pod - but he is not religious and getting married isn't important - i understand that - but I want to feel special and have something special~ His ex-girlfriend is now married with a house on the lake and trying to get pregnant~ I feel like poo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:01am

Despite the fact that you and your boyfriend are very close and seem well-matched, you have a major difference of opinion in one very important area. There is nothing wrong with wanting to marry and have children--it's a very natural desire, and one shared by many. Have you discussed your feelings with your boyfriend? Even if you are sure that he knows how you feel, you owe it to yourself and the future you're hoping for to have a clear, non-accusatory conversation about marriage, kids, and your future together. If he tells you he isn't interested in a future that includes a wedding and children, you will have to make a decision.

Two other brief comments: First, don't feel like poo because you have loved a man who has his own agenda and you aren't getting the things in life you want. Just resolve to take your future into your own hands, and do what you need to do to achieve your goals. Second, the fact that he is buying a house, that you are not part of this purchase, and that you don't even get to live in it for several months suggests that he may not be as invested as you are in the idea of being together as partners.