Completely Lost
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| Sun, 03-18-2007 - 8:14am |
I posted this on another board as well. I am going to go crazy over this. Can you help me?
Well, my story is a bit long and I am not sure if anyone is going to want to read it or even help me but at this point I will take any advice.
So where do I start?
Steve and I met online through this website we both have blogs at. I found him on random one day and left him a note letting him know I was adding him to my favorites list so I could keep reading his blog.
We starting leaving comments on each other's websites and he was soooo good at giving me advices. After a while I asked him for his e-mail so we could talk that way instead. I never thought of him as anything more than some cool guy I talked to online.
One day I got really upset with this guy I was dating and I asked him for advice on how to handle the situation and he asked me if could give him a call instead. He gave me a phone card and a pin number. We hit it off right away. He seemed so nice and he was so funny. I was smitten. He told me my boyfriend was using me and I deserved better. It was the final push I needed to break things off with Andrew.
Things progressed and he said he'd like to visit me when he got back to the US - he was stationed in Germany. He said he wanted to come on March 9th 2007 and spend the weekend with me. I was so happy.
He was always so nice to me, sending me gifts, staying up to talk to me when I was having a crappy night, texting me on my phone all day. I couldn't get enough of him. He even sent me roses to my office on this past Valentine's Day. I was in heaven. He gave me all the attention and the love I deserved. We made so many plans for the future. He told his whole family about me. I even talked on the phone with his mom and cousin. They said they couldn't wait to meet me. They said Steve was completely in love with me.
He told he had forgotten what it felt like to love someone this much since his fiance died of cancer back in 2000. I felt bad for him. He seemed to have a very hard life and I just wanted to make him happy. I loved him.
Well, the day finally came and he drove 800 miles to see me. I was so happy. Things went fine. I slept with him. I didn't even think twice. I was in love. I thought he loved me too. I'd never done anything like that before. I've only been with one guy before him and he knew it. He apologyzed for not kissing me when he saw me. He said he was shy. He hugged me and said he never wanted to let me go and he loved me so much. I believed him. We had a blast when he was here. We drove to Canada to meet my family and he seemed excited about it. I caught him eyeballing my cousin a few times but I didn't think anything of it. Men will look at anything that moves.
Everything changed when we came back to my hometown. He said he didn't want me to wait around for him since he was most likely be deploying to Iraq some time this year. Funny how the whole story changed. Before we met in person he asked me if I would wait for him, I said yes and he said he was the happiest man in the world. He said he wanted to come home to me so we could start a life together. He wanted me to move to Georgia so we could be closer and then get married eventually.
He then said things hadn't been feeling right since before he left Germany. I asked him why he bothered driving 800 miles to tell me that. He said he was trying to prove himself wrong. I knew he was lying. He was.
We sat on the bed and I asked him to not let me go because I loved him. His eyes starting getting red and he mumbled something. He tried to speak but couldn't. He looked me in the eye and said he couldn't say it, it was too hard for him to. I asked him "So you have to let me go?" He shook his head he said "Yes. I am sorry". He broke up with me after he lied to my face and slept with me. After he told me several times how much he loved me and couldn't wait to marry me.
He waited until the last minute to tell me things didn't feel right and we had to go our separate ways.
I was completely devastated.
I called him the next day and asked him to tell me how he felt. He blamed the break up on the fact that he wasn't attracted to me! Right after we met in person hensaid I was more beautiful that he thought I was. He let me go because I am not as good looking as he thought I might be although he had an idea of what I looked like. I told him I wasn't in the best shape and he assured me he would never leave me over my looks.
He also said he thought he really loved me when we were talking on the phone and e-mailing each other back and forth but he found out he just loved me as friend after he met me.
I was crushed. I mean, here's a guy who makes all these efforts to show me how much he supposedly cares about me telling me I am not good looking enough for him. I wanted to disappear. It hurt so much. I thought I was worth more than that in his eyes.
I don't know who the person I fell in love with truly was. Was just a facade? Who is Steven? I mean, what happened to the sweet caring, loving man I once knew? Or thought I knew? I don't know?
I feel so lost right now. I went back to his blog and read the whole thing. He always wrote about not feeling like he was good enough for anyone and that he felt so lonely and left out all the time. What am I supposed to think? Was he scared? Was he afraid of me leaving him? He said he didn't leave me out of fear but I think he'd never admit he did. I feel so empty right now. I have been crying everyday. I can't help it. I love him so much.
I called his mom to thank her for the gift she sent me through him and she said "Give him a couple weeks and call him. Maybe he'll come around". I am not sure I can do that.
He told me several times he couldn't live without me and if I were to throw him away like everyone else did he would be devastated. I don't know what to think.
I think it was shady to blame it on my looks especially since he always seemed to be turned on around me. He held me hand everywhere we went, in the car, he'd kiss it every now and then. He'd hold me tight at night. He said "if this is wrong, I never want to be right".
What happened to us? Everyone was in awe when I told them we broke up. Once his best friend said the following to one of my good friends : "Steve and Jessie can do their thing. I know that Steve is driving a very long way over to meet her when he gets there. I hope it works out for them. He is pretty defensive when I ask about her just like any stubborn boy. He hasn't been in any real relationships before so I try to look out for him but he is a typical stubborn boy about her. So I will leave him to find out things on his own and just hope for the best".
And then he tells me he didn't think there was more there when he met me. I don't get it. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am blind.

Oh, I feel so bad for you. It's really hard when you meet someone via the internet and things aren't so good in person.
Unfortunately, I think you've just made a very good example of why this type of relationship frequently doesn't work. As much as you feel you can know someone over the internet and phone calls, it can completely fall apart when you meet for real. The problem is, you don't really know someone until you meet them at length face to face.
You said that he blamed your looks for things not working out, but I don't agree. You said "He blamed the break up on the fact that he wasn't attracted to me!" The thing is, attraction doesn't come from one's appearance. If attraction had to rely on beauty, then no ugly people would ever find love would they? Have a look around at all the less than beautiful people who are happy in relationships - here's your proof that attraction isn't based on the physical.
Attraction is far more subtle and something that can't be guessed before spending time together. It is based on nuances in one's personality....and can encompass anything from confidence to compassion and how one manages a bad day. It can even depend on things such as housework and whether or not your housekeeping style is similar to your partner's!
I could be dating the hunkiest guy in the world, but if he had an attack of "road rage" I'd loose my attraction immediately. Likewise, if the this hunk tended towards pessimism, I'd have no attraction for him. Looks really don't come into the equation all that much.
All I can suggest to you is that you learn from this. Don't let yourself fall for someone if you've not spent lots of time in their immediate company...because they don't really know you and you don't realy know them.
hugs to you.