completely lost...
Find a Conversation
completely lost...
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:43am |
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He is 10 years younger then I am and I have a daughter 10.5 year younger then him. Even though our age did present issues earlier in the relationship, I feel like it's what has made our relationship amazing. I have NEVER been in love the way I am now, nor felt the love that I have from this man.
Recently, he brought up the idea of living together. My initial internal reaction was fear! How would this change our amazing relationship? Then I got use to the idea and was thrilled. We even started looking at houses. Last night he told me that he wasn't feeling so good about "moving in together" anymore, because he didn't know that he could handle living with my daughter. Since she is 14, it is difficult at times. Now I'm torn, completely DEVASTATED about this. Should I stay in this relationship or face the possible reality that he may never change his mind about us living together, better yet even getting married?
Any advice is appreciated...
Recently, he brought up the idea of living together. My initial internal reaction was fear! How would this change our amazing relationship? Then I got use to the idea and was thrilled. We even started looking at houses. Last night he told me that he wasn't feeling so good about "moving in together" anymore, because he didn't know that he could handle living with my daughter. Since she is 14, it is difficult at times. Now I'm torn, completely DEVASTATED about this. Should I stay in this relationship or face the possible reality that he may never change his mind about us living together, better yet even getting married?
Any advice is appreciated...

strange,but if the "age difference" is not such a big deal, why did you not just come out and say "i am 34, he is 24 and i have a 14 yo daughter". so i guess the "age thing" is a big deal....
look - IMHO, its not the "ten year difference" between you that is the issue - but the fact that you are at different places in life - and you are a mom. you must put your daughter FIRST. if living together is going to cause problems = then you don't live together. period. or else you send you daughter to live with her dad or another relative, or put her into foster care. because you just DO NOT put your daughter into an unhealthy situation.
the other issue that pops up is that it appears that HE is calling the shots. HE decides whether or not the two of you will live together? HE decides whether you two will get married? these are both major issues that need to be DISCUSSED. if you plan on living together - then possibly family therapy will be needed so that issues can be brought to the table and dealt with (and BTW - all 14 YOs are difficult, but there are ways to "blend" families so that things work out better).
I am sorry for the pain you feel - but this may be a good opportunity for you to re-examine this relationship...
Just for the record, I would never, ever send my daughter away. My daughter is the number one love of my life and there is NO ONE who could possibly change this. And this is why this situation is so hard for me. I also am in love with this man...
I do completely see your points though about him calling the shots. This played over and over in my head all night...
thank-you...
Have you asked him directly if he thinks he might ever change his mind? You have to get an idea of what you are up against.
Edited 1/27/2004 9:40:08 PM ET by ciao_gina