Complicated Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Complicated Relationship
7
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 10:39pm

My relationship started 8 months ago, with my boyfriend and his wife inviting me into their marriage making me his girlfriend. Not only is this the first crazy relationship I have been in it gets crazier, his wife had her own girlfriend on a month. Well now we have all gone on to our own relationships; me and him live in our own place together and his wife is living with her girlfriend. But now it seems like he is hiding things from me regarding his wife. I don't care that they talk or see each other because I know for the divorce its necessary but he is lying and hiding things. I'm not sure really how to take it or bring it up in conversation to see why he is hiding things. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 10:42pm

She isn't his ex, she is his wife. How long do you want to be in denial?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 5:41pm

Thank you everyone for your responses. We sat down and talked and everything is fine. We are going to communicate more and he is going to tell me about the ex he didn't think I wanted to know and told me everything that was going on.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 2:12pm

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 3:22pm
I have to ditto what undercovercrab says here.

You don't have to be in this relationship. It's just too weird and you ARE selling yourself short.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 8:44am

You're selling yourself short. You yourself even realize how crazy this is.

Rather than obsess about details, why don't you learn how to extract yourself 100% from a crazy relationship? You deserve better than this. Really, do you think that by agonizing over his secrecy, you are somehow going to make this into a healthy, sane relationship for yourself? Do you honestly believe that bringing this up to him is going to facilitate a positive change?

You're making a habit of being in crazy relationships. Nicole, relationships like these cannot be fixed from the inside. They are rotten. There is no way they can progress. At some point you will have to make the very difficult decision to break this cycle of yours, and that means severing yourself from these relationships. You will have to be very strict with yourself.

I would recommend seeing a counselor. It is common for many women to seek out men who are unavailable or unattainable (you may be in a relationship with this guy, but he is "unavailable" in the sense that he is married to someone else) and unhealthy relationship habits often have deeper roots that need to be resolved before you are truly ready to find happiness with a partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 9:28am

The whole situation just sounds like trouble to me. I would end with him ASAP and find a new man who is clearly unattached.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 12:17am

I have no idea what your problem is, or why you have it.