Find a Conversation
|Fri, 07-12-2013 - 1:43pm|
I am having some conflicting opinions and need to know if what I feel is normal, and maybe I just need to get this off my chest. First here is our backstory:
My husband and I are both in the military, and met in the military. We started dating and had an amazing relationship for about a year. Then we were both cut orders to the opposite side of the world, even though at that time both of us were supposed to be ineligible for orders. So this was a very very big shock. At this time we had many in depth conversations to decide if we just wanted to end it, do long distance, or get married. After many conversations and heart searching we decided to get married. We have been married now just over 4 years. Up until now we have been the couple everyone wants to be like.
Recently I have been feeling unhappy. The thing is it is not because of my husband. We still have a great relationship. He is my best friend, we don’t fight, he supports me in anything and everything I do…ect. But I feel like the spark between us is gone. So these feelings are very hard for me. I have talked to my husband about everything and we have discussed about how both of us are very un-happy in work, and are counting down the 2 years we have left in the military. He believes that’s where my feelings are coming from. Right now I’m just waiting for my contract to end so I can chase my ultimate dream of going to work for another government agency. He is also waiting to go become a contractor overseas while I’m in training with the DOD. So about 6 months ago we chocked it up to us both being stuck in a limbo land of sorts, and how we are both waiting for our “real life” to start.
I was happy with that discussion for a while, but I still can’t shake these feelings. I was talking to my best friend and just told her, I feel like we are both waiting for us to get out of the military because it will start a 4 year separation while we both chase our dreams, and I will be very surprised if we make it. I told her how I feel like I’m waiting to get to that point so it won’t be a nasty divorce it will be more like our life paths just took us away from each other. We were also talking to a friend whose first marriage ended when he went and did a tour in Korea. He told us how every marriage but one ended while he was over there, a total of 27 divorces. A few weeks later my husband came home and told me he put Korea on his dream sheet, yet every single day my husband tells me how happy he is he married me, and how I’m his best friend.
In the last few weeks I have been having a harder time hiding my emotions and feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down and telling him I don’t want to be married anymore. Yet, when I think about doing that I cannot imagine doing that to him. I won’t be able to live with myself if I hurt him. Are feelings like this normal? My friends who have been married a long time tell me that they are. That sometimes you just have a bad few months (and sometimes years) where you just have to stick it out and make it work. Right now I feel like we are best friends that shouldn’t have gotten married. I feel like if we would have done long distance we would have both realized that our relationship wasn’t meant to be. I also feel like these are feelings I shouldn’t have towards my husband.
If anyone has advice please share. I’m open to anything, and thank you in advance. I’m so sorry this is so long.