Confront or Confide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Confront or Confide?
59
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 10:22pm

Hello all. This is my first post and I hope to gain a little perspective of my relationship.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I first got together over a year ago. We started out in a serious relationship, but after a couple months he wasn't sure if he loved me. He never told me he did and wouldn't make love until he was. Then after six months he grew distant. I confronted him about it. When I confronted him he said he had been thinking and wanted to break up. He confessed that he had been in love with a girl that lives across the country, but hasn't seen in years.

After the breakup I was left extremely hurt and confused. However, I didn't make any contact with him for four months. Four months after our breakup we ran into each other. He initiated that we remain friends, and I agreed. Since then we remained platonic friends, and hung out with each other at least once a week.

After three months of being just friends (nothing more than a hug) he told me that he missed me, and was in love with me. He told me he will never hurt me again. He has been wooing me since then, and we are back together.

My concern now is that because of the situation of our previous breakup, I'm so afraid that he will hurt me again. Right now I am away on a business trip for a month, and I'm scared he might cheat on me while I'm gone. He occasionally tells me stories about work, and last week when I was still home he told me the troubles of a female coworker (that I didn't know about previous to this) coming in crying about her bad relationship and him and the guys comforting her. Then last night he said that he and his roommate had friends and coworkers over, and that same girl was crying because of guy drama. My boyfriend told me that he and his roommate had to comfort her.

While I am gone my boyfriend told me that he wanted to learn to please me better and got sex books, said he is going to start working out, and just started working day shift instead of night shift (so when I get back we can spend more time together).

Now am I crazy to think that these things he's doing for me may be things he's doing for another girl, specifically the coworker? I never thought I would ever succumb to being the jealous girlfriend, but what should I do? Confront him of what I think? Let it go? Snoop around? Help!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 5:10am

My apologies, I didn't realise discussing/debating an element of the original post was not allowed on this board.

ETA: Does this rule apply to all the Love boards, eg Guy Talk, Problem Solving etc?

TIA




Edited 1/21/2009 5:28 am ET by lianne_67
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 1:05pm
Sorry, I did not realize this was a problem. I think of it as perhaps giving the OP more food for thought by reading these post and possibly chiming in with her opinions and thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:59pm
If there's something the poster has said which makes you want to discuss/debate it with someone, especially if that someone isn't the original poster, we ask that you start a new thread to discuss that issue instead. It can be rather frustrating and sometimes hurtful for a poster to come in and ask for help on something, only to have the thread turn into a battle between two other members over something that has little to do with the poster's problem.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 3:29pm
I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. Oh and by the way I meant to say that your son is a handsome little guy. Can I hold him? I love that baby smell and it's been over 21 years since I've smelt it. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:55am

Thanks for clarifying. Like Peaceyma, my view is that a debate on a topic the OP raised can be helpful, but I understand that not every sees it that way and of course the board rules should be observed. Now that I know, I'll be sure to take any debates to a new thread.

Thanks :o)

baby siggy
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:56am

Thanks, and yes you certainly can! :OD

baby siggy
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 11:06am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:39pm

<< But the problem comes when one person becomes the soul support person for

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 9:32am
Wow. What a response. Well, I did get the book, which was interesting to read. And I told him everything I felt without placing any blame. He was totally understanding and was glad I told him. I hope it will set a foundation of trust. Thanks for your input.

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