Confuse, lost, disappointed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Confuse, lost, disappointed.
Thu, 07-04-2013 - 3:58pm

I need some serious help.. I been married for a second time for 11 years now but for the past couple of years I have been feeling not love, lonely, distant, like he gives me a hug or a kiss just when he feels like. We been having lots of issues in the past because he discovered I was talking with other men, I do take responsibility for my actions and although I know its not an excuse part of the reason I did it was cause of the same situation , not feeling wanted or love by him. He says he loves me, but really doesnt show it the way a husband its supposed to show it. Our sex life its also taken a toll because I dont feel like having sex most of the time. He most of the time anything I say or if we having a conversation over a particular topic he makes me feel dumb, He feels like or at least he makes me feel like his right all the time. I feel stock, like I dont do the things I like to do. I work from home and most of the time im home 7 days a week , If I do go out its to his mothers house. We do have one car but he uses the can mainly , if in a rare case i use it and im gone for a couple of hours he'll start calling asking where am at. He his finishing his second career as an attorney I feel like I havent been able to do the same, but havent been able to do it cuase we some issues I have have to resolve, but I told him I was thinking of doing personal training certificate but he said what for if I dont work on that.. Fitness has become a passion of mine and you never know down the road if I can use it. The other day we went to the market  and I wanted to buy some alcohol to make a special drink for his sister's birthday, he right away said , what for im not a bartender.. Seems like everything I want to do he thinks is stupid for him. I cant stand this anymore really, I want to leave him but dont know how , when to do it. Before I meet him i was very independent woman did my own things, had my own car. I know i cant do the same things I did when i was single, but i feel like i cant be myself either. I tell him his very dominant and very controlling he denies it all the time but of course he will denied it. We have 2 daughters and I dont them to grow on a family that isnt happy. Im desperate . Any advise will be appreciated. Thanks