Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2012
Confused
7
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 10:36pm

I met this man in the beginning of February. When we first met we went out to lunch together a few times. Perhaps two weeks after meeting him he began taking me as his "plus one" to his shows (he is in two bands). He also began staying overnight at my apartment 3x a week. At the very beginning of us spending time alone together he told me that "we could never have a real relationship". I didn't think much about this, because we have so much in common, have all the same friends, and get along so well, so I knew I would be okay with him just being my friend. In the last two weeks, however, things have drastically changed. This man is one of the busiest people I know. He has a new album coming out, plays shows probably 4-5x a week, works two jobs, and takes a few classes. However, in the last two weeks I have seen him at least 12 days and we have spent almost every night together, which says a lot considering his schedule. We talk frequently when we are not together. He tells me how beautiful I am, how much he enjoys my company, and that he likes me. He also told me that he wants to be 'exclusive' with me, and wants me to live with him this summer so I won't be three hours away. I am falling very hard for him. I have never been a girl that assumes I can change a guy. He told me we would never have a real relationship, so I have assumed this ever since. However, I do feel like we are both feeling very emotionally attached to each other. I am afraid of getting hurt and having feelings that aren't going to be reciprocated. Should I just assume he does just want to be friends, or is it possible he has changed his mind about the possibility of a relationship with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 12:02am

He said this, he said that, he said a lot of things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 9:36am

You've dated him less than two months, but it seems like you're moving pretty fast, especially considering that he said, and you agreed, that the 'relationship' was a fwb-only situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 8:28am

He's trying to prevent you from having expectations of him. He may really like you, think you're beautiful, and want to spend all of his time with you, but he also knows that he's selfish and has a busy life and if you were to start a "relationship", he would not be able to meet your expectations. In fact, if you did start having expecations of him, you can probably expect that he will start pulling away.

This is a man-child who wants the fun of a girlfriend without actually being obligated to her. He probably enjoys dating someone exclusively but cuts and runs when things start to look "serious".

I would be done with him. This is a boy, not a man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2012
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 11:14am

Well I sat down and had a serious conversation with him yesterday. He told me the reason why he said we could never have a real relationship is because he is afraid of commitment. However, he also said that he certainly no longer feels this way with me. He wasn't expecting to develop the kind of feelings he did for me. He was very clear that he has strong feelings for me and would like to pursue something serious with me and views our relationship as long lasting. Thank you for the advice everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 2:30pm

YAH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 10:10am

Be cautious of men who say one thing yet do another. Actions should match words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 12:00pm

You've only known this guy a few weeks.......which means you don't know him at all.