Confused
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Confused
| Wed, 09-15-2004 - 6:07pm |
Please help me with this situation. My wife and I have been separated for approximately 6 months and now are getting divorced. During this time, I have met someone that makes me extremely happy. However, she is in an abusive relationship. Not only physically but mostly mentally. I find myself very protective of her because I sincerely care alot about her. We are very close and I would like to continue seeing her after my divorce is final. She tells me that her relationship is over and he tells me that they aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet they spend 4-5 nights together but just as friends. She tells me that she is extremely in love with me and I believe her. However, why is she still with the chump? She tells me that she is over him but she thinks she stays because it is familiar. They have been together for 4 years and it has mostly been pretty bumpy. Could it be possible that she is not letting go of him because she doesn't think me and wife will finally divorce. I love her very much and I am confused as to how to deal with it. She obviously has her situation to deal with and so do I but I don't want her to leave my life. She has made the happiest I have ever been in my life. Please advise my next step.

she is in an abusive relationship
That's the MO of abusive relationships.
Let me tell you what you are doing to her by being in her life - you are giving her emotional support, love, etc. just enough to keep her where she is. Your attention, love, involvement makes where she lives tolerable. And she will continue with this pattern until she knows and believes she deserves better, until she heals, learns about herself, becomes self-aware, until she's ready to face her life choices and change for her, not for you.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
Yes, it's hard to say and do, but if you don't draw a line, set a boundary, she will stay exactly where she is.
Carrie