Confused
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Confused
| Thu, 09-02-2004 - 12:49am |
my bf and i have decided after 8 months to break up but remain friends. he is going thru a rough divorce and wants time to get rid of baggage from it. im going thru a divorce too but its a much simpler one and ive already done my grieving. we agreed that we would put our relationship aside till hes ready to have one again with me. the question is, am i hurting myself and/or him by waiting or is it a good thing? i support his need to heal and have space but im worried that he may feel pressured by this. it was a mutual agreement on all counts but it still bothers me. any ideas?? thanks.

I do believe you are hurting yourself by waiting for him. You are putting your life on hold and you have absolutely no assurance that the relationship will resume again. In fact, it is more likely that it will not. When two people have been in a relationship and then take steps back to become "friends", most of the time the relationship does not resume as it was. Also, his transition, his grieving and healing time can take years. It sounds as though he has a great deal to work out from this difficult divorce - including anger. After a divorce of this kind many men want to be free to date others as well. They feel as if they've been set loose from a trap and won't get back into one so quickly (from their point of view). They also need time alone to find out who they are now. All of this, as I said, takes a long time and men in this position often go through many ups and downs and changes. It can be awhile until they stabilize (and I mean years).
It makes no sense at all for you to simply expect things to resume. Go forward in your own life. Grow, enjoy, date, meet others. See if you even want him yourself as time passes by. He needs and deserves no committment from you now as he hasn't given one. It's never wise to live on the hope that something may happen. That places you in a world of fantasy and dreams, rather than in the real world where there are many treasures awaiting you.
Take good care.
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